Ms Blah Monthly Horoscope - June

June 3, 2020 3 min read

ARIES Mar 21 - Apr 19

Imagine how ridiculous it was the first time a Viking wore a helmet with horns, but how trendy it became. Taking risks is challenging for everybody but you never know how your madness will catch on.

TAURUS Apr 20 - May 21

You have developed a very toxic relationship with your sofa. But do you really know it? Have you ever looked further, inside it? underneath it? Maybe it has a past you know nothing about. Exactly, you don’t know who are you living with.

GEMINI May 21 - Jun 20

I’m Pisces, therefore I don’t like you. And I know your feelings are the same for me, so why hide it? Stay away from me and I will stay away from you. Thanks.

CANCER Jun 21 - Jul 22

The best I can tell you right now, dear Cancer, is: get ready for your season. You will start on Mercury retrograde and it’s going to be hard, so drink a lot of water and be one with chaos and distress. It’s not very different from your life anyways.

LEO Jul 23 - Aug 22

A biscuit of 1 Kg is not a biscuit. It’s a cake. But I see your point, nonetheless. I always wanted to make a 1-kilo croquette and then serve it in slices, mmhmhmm wouldn’t it be delicious?

VIRGO Aug 23 - Sep 22 

I heard that when Virgo people look in mirrors they always see themselves with the Valencia Instagram filter, is it true? Are there special mirrors for Virgos or do you do it with your mind? Can you change it to Lark when you need it?

LIBRA Sep 23- Oct 22

Drugs are not the answer. Unless you are a cat. In that case, drugs are very welcome and joyful. You have all the time in the world to enjoy them, no responsibilities or goals to achieve. Food is served when needed plus a human guide - who is also your dealer - is by your side to check everything is ok.

SCORPIO Oct 23 - Nov 21

Yesterday I met a Scorpio and I'm sure I didn’t understand anything he said. Improve your diction, for godsake! You are already the darkest and most baffling sign of the zodiac. Don’t make it even harder for the other signs to understand you, thanks.

SAGITTARIUS Nov 22 - Dec 21

You have always been in love with yourself and finally, you've had the time to commit to that with extreme self-care at home. It's the thing to do nowadays, right? You no longer need to hide that you care a lot more for you than any other human, animal or vegetal thing in the world. It was about time.

CAPRICORN Dec 22 - Jan 19

We all work, dear Cap. You are not the only one who is actively contributing to The System. Stop with the attitude and undermining everybody, ok? You're not always going to charm them later with your incredible body and beautiful face.

AQUARIUS Jan 20 - Feb 18

You have Saturn in retrograde this month and I don’t know what the fuck that means but it seems like you’re going to be fine, so don’t worry. You are always fine.

PISCES Feb 19 - March 20

Seriously no, I don’t know where you heard that, but it is not true at all that when two water signs reproduce they can have fish or eels instead of human babies. Now tell me that the earth is flat and I will definitely call the police.

Maria Blah
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