Want to know what July has in store for you? Ms Blah has all the astrowisdom to help you make it through the year.

Want to know what July has in store for you? Ms Blah has all the astrological wisdom to help you make it through the year.

Ms Blah Monthly Horoscope - July

On July 5th and 4th Lunar we will be under the 4th Lunar Eclipse of the year. It will be a Penumbral Lunar eclipse similar to the one that happened in 2013 so you will experience time travel and be reminded of that terrible haircut you had that year. Learn from your mistakes. 

No sign of the zodiac manipulates genitals like you. Honestly, your 

technique is amazing, precise, no matter size or gender. Something really admirable, impressive. A natural talent. 

Ok, Gemini. I apologize for my words last month. I met someone, and she was a candid and supportive person. I believe Gemini can be nice to Pisces. But you were hurting me. Be careful, I’ll be watching your steps. 

Hello Cancer, welcome to your season. We have six planets in retrograde, including Mercury, of course. However, you still have in these two little planets called Haumea in your house, which means your world is not going to experience significant change. Except for the fact that you will shed your skin as you do every summer. 

, congratulations. You know where to find the best scenes, you’re following the hottest profiles, and you are even paying for watching them! You’re the best. Planets love you. I love you. 

If summer were a zodiac sign it would be yours because you are rainbow, hot, delicious and fresh. Oh, Goddess, I think I just described a strawberry mojito. And I can’t think of anything else right now. Where’s the waiter? 

You were smart, beautiful, and useful to society until you started listening to Becky G’s songs. However, you are on time to return to the good path. I suggest the album Everything is Love by THE CARTERS. There’s only one Queen B, honey. She will help you if you show respect. 

You are so sexy when you lie, really. You should implement that in your flirting but you don’t need to hurt anybody’s feelings, so just say, for example, ‘the earth is flat’, or ‘vaccines are useless’. 

I heard you got along very well with a Gemini lately. Well, I’m not jealous, but if you need me, I’m not sure I will be available. Call your Gemini friend. Maybe they have what you need, I don’t know. Maybe I’m not enough for you, ah? Go with your pretty friend, I don’t mind. 

We say a planet is in retrograde because, seen from earth, it goes backwards. This is an illusion. No planet is going backwards ever, according to NASA and the fundamental laws of Physics. Now that you know it you can play the pedantic Capricorn. 

The biggest planets in our system are entering your house, that means you are going to gain a little weight. That’s fine. You will recover your shape when they’re gone. 

This summer is very dangerous for Pisces people. As you know, Neptune is in your house for the whole year. It increases the risks of reversing the process that gave The Little Mermaid legs: you can develop a fishtail while swimming in the sea. Think before accepting this big change in your life and getting into the water. The seas are full of plastic debris. 