Ms Blah Monthly Horoscope - February

February 1 3 min read

ARIES Mar 21 - Apr 19

Next to Tonga, there is an island that has a lake inside that has an island with a lake that has two more islands. Inside one of them, there is a lake, and that lake is your heart. Dear Aries, the one who wanted to know where they must embark on an expedition, risking their lives to find it, and maybe never turning back.

TAURUS Apr 20 - May 21

No, you don’t need to dance the mating dance of your ancestors every time you want to get laid. At least not with the same person.

GEMINI May 21 - Jun 20

Though you have a serious, healthy, and safe relationship with your cellphone, I really think you should give a connection with real people, humans like you; they also have a planned obsolesce.

CANCER Jun 21 - Jul 22

Be honest, you don’t know who all those genital pics belong to. Some you've had such a long time those genitals have probably had kids by now.

LEO Jul 23 - Aug 22

You hate to be alone, even when you masturbate. Watch porn and you’ll never feel alone again.

VIRGO Aug 23 - Sep 22 

In Spain, they say if you suddenly have one white hair it is because you are worried about something. If you find one in your pubic area, I would pay attention to your genitals, maybe they are bothered about something.

LIBRA Sep 23- Oct 22

Watching porn is not procrastinating, it's relaxing your mind for a few minutes, having a little mental blackout for a few seconds, and coming back like a boss with full power.

SCORPIO Oct 23 - Nov 21

I’m sorry but maybe it’s not the best time to celebrate the Orgy of Class of ’95. Someone suggested you could make it via Zoom, a Capricorn probably, and we don’t give any credit to such a goat.

SAGITTARIUS Nov 22 - Dec 21

You are the only sign in the Zodiac that can recognize when a person comes with 'toppings' - meaning the things we carry from one relationship to another - some are sweet, some are crunchy, some you don’t mind, some are too much. Nevertheless, I’m sure that you can still enjoy the ice cream if you just put some of them aside.

CAPRICORN Dec 22 - Jan 19

Sometimes you must say you are sorry, Capricorn. Look, you can do it like this: make a call, don’t text. After they say hello you say: hey, hi, look I got something to tell you. By now they are really shocked by the tone of your voice - they've never listened to this before - and then you say: I would like to apologize for the very selfish thing I told you last time we spoke. No, you can't pay someone to do it for you.

AQUARIUS Jan 20 - Feb 18

If you want to keep lettuce fresh for days, wrap it in foil. This doesn’t apply to people. Even if they are alive.

PISCES Feb 19 - March 20

Dear, you are a very open-minded sign but you need to understand, not every sign is like you. Your Virgo friend is still quite shocked about what you told them you did with your last lover (and that was 6 months ago).

Maria Blah
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