Think all doms are the same? Think again. From sensual service tops to Mommys and Masters, find the flavor of power (or submission) that turns you on.

From soft doms to sadists, learn how to find your dominant style and build a consensual dom and sub relationship that fits your desires.

Dom & Sub Relationships: 11 Types of Doms

Are You a Master or a Brat Tamer? Meet 11 Types of Doms

In an episode of my favorite sex and relationship podcast, a caller asked for advice after his new lover had expressed a desire to be dominated in bed. He wanted to satisfy his partner’s wishes and was genuinely intrigued, but he didn’t want to be mean or hurt her.

In another instance, someone reached out to me for help after her partner had started calling her Mommy during play. The moniker creeped her out and didn’t sit right, so she withdrew. She wanted to explore sexual domination, but in a way that felt more authentic to her.

If you’ve ever wanted to explore Dom-sub play (D/s), but aren’t quite sure how to approach it, or what kind of dominant you are, read on. You can also explore D/s dynamics by watching 

But first, let’s dispel a couple of common myths about dominants.

Common Myths About Dominants in BDSM (Debunked)

False. Everything that happens in this kind of play must be consensual. If a submissive gets flogged or humiliated in a scene, it should always be because they explicitly asked for it. A dom has limits too and is never obligated to do anything to their sub that crosses their boundaries.

Myth 2: Doms need to be physically strong.

False. While effective body handling, physical gestures, and activities like spanking can play a big role in a dom and sub relationship, the most effective form of domination is mental. If you can get into your submissive’s head and control them with nothing but your words, you are far more powerful than someone who relies purely on their physical strength.

False. More often than not, the complete opposite is true. Domination requires a massive amount of mental and often physical energy. Though they may direct or command their partner to perform tasks, it’s the dominant’s role to hold space to allow the submissive to trust and surrender.

There are almost as many ways to be dominant as there are dominants. 

Types of Doms: How to Find Your Dominant Style

The following guide is intended as a pick-and-mix menu rather than a fixed script. This means you can combine traits from as many different types as you want to find the approach that works for you.

Another important point to keep in mind is that your dom style will, and should, change somewhat depending on the preferences of your submissive partner and your personal dom and sub relationship. Make sure you communicate and align your desires first to find your overlap.

Your role may shift depending on your submissive’s preferences, as these can always change, so ongoing communication is key in any dom/sub relationship.

1. The Top: Direct, Physical, and Scene-Driven

Not all tops are doms, but many dominants do top their subs. A top is:

Focused on physical acts rather than emotional control

Usually not part of a full D/s power dynamic

A top is the active doer; the one who takes charge, directs, or performs the scene or act. Top/bottom dynamics are typically less about roleplay and mental powerplay and do not necessarily fall under D/s play at all.

2. Caregiver Dominants: Daddy, Mommy, and Dommy

These caregiver dom types nurture more sensitive submissives, often referred to as "littles." Key traits include:

Encouraging age-play or nurturing dynamics

Mommies and Daddies are gentle, protective, and nurturing caretaker doms to subs on the cute and sensitive side. Sometimes referred to as littles, these subs may enjoy acting like and taking on mannerisms or other characteristics typically associated with someone younger than their actual age.

Despite taboos around age play, it’s important to keep in mind that there’s nothing wrong with playing, as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult.

I’ve seen Dommy — a mix between Daddy and Mommy, with an additional play on the word Dom — proposed as a gender-neutral alternative, and it has a better ring to it than “Yes, legal guardian” or “Spank me, parent”. That being said, I’ve met female Daddies and male princesses, proving that the words can also just represent a vibe.

Want to see a real-life Mommy Dom in action? Watch 

 to see how one couple brings this dynamic to life.

3. Pet Play Doms: Owners, Trainers & Handlers

Perfect for submissives into pet play, these doms often enjoy:

Fun props like collars, leashes, and feeding bowls

This type of caretaker dom trains and/or handles subs that are into pet play. This means they enjoy taking on characteristics of an animal like a puppy, kitten, or even a pony.

This type of dom is typically into discipline and likes doling out commands followed by punishment or reward. Since many subs are in it for the punishment too, especially if they’re of the bratty variety, it can sometimes be unclear which is which.

Further, if you’re into roleplay, this type of dynamic allows you to go all in with accessories like collars and leashes, muzzles, tacks and bits, feeding bowls, grooming gear, etc.

Watch Beyondeep’s Pet Play video on Lustery

 as real-life couple Honey G and K Rivers explore their primal side with masks, leashes, and one seriously obedient pup.

This is the well-dressed, commanding figure of BDSM lore. Traits include:

Think Christian Grey—just maybe… less problematic

I’ve tried to keep this guide as gender nonspecific as possible, yet certain clichés refuse to leave the confines of the binary. Your whisky-sipping, suit-clad dom reclining in a wingback leather chair with a pretty young thing kneeling at his feet is one.

Often concerned with rituals and protocol, this dom is typically referred to as Sir. Christian Grey from Fifty Shades and Sir Stephen from Story of O are examples of this type of dom, but I wouldn’t recommend studying either for inspiration. Though the timelessly classic man in a suit (still) has an undeniable appeal, make sure there’s more to your domination than fancy attire and sleek accessories.

This high-femme dominant type is iconic for a reason:

Typically addressed as Mistress, Ma’am, or Madam

There’s no equivalent female counterpart to the classic suited Sir. Instead, the image that springs to mind when most of us think of a FemDom is the stereotypical, strict, whip-clutching femme fatale in a latex catsuit.

Often addressed with the honorifics Madam, Ma’am, or Mistress, a Dominatrix can be a professional dom(me), but this is not always the case.

Latex and complete control—FemDom at its finest. 

, for skipping chores with bondage, teasing, and some well-deserved foot worship.

6. Power Exchange Pros: Master, Mistress, Mastress

These doms engage in Total Power Exchange (TPE) dynamics. Characteristics include:

Slave/sub fully submits to their Master, Mistress, or Mastress

Use of written contracts, rituals, and protocols

Though some Dominants use these monikers in regular D/s play, Master/slave play is traditionally found on the far end of the powerplay scale and refers to relationships where the subs grant their Doms absolute control of some or all aspects of their lives. This type of play is referred to as TPE (Total Power Exchange), and some couples live it 24/7 with contracts and protocols in place.

The term Mistress is more commonly used outside of this full-time dynamic. Mastress has been suggested as the non-gendered alternative to both.

7. Worship-Oriented Doms: Goddesses & Goddexes

These doms prioritize devotion over discipline. Their style typically  includes:

Less physical, more spiritual or symbolic power

Goddess or Goddex can be gender-expansive

Truth be told, I haven’t come across a straight cis male who wanted to be referred to as God, and if I did, I’m not sure I could keep a straight face. On the contrary, there are Goddesses and Goddexes a-plenty, and they may be queer, trans, gay, or cis women.

The Goddess/x is proud and powerful, yet less of a strict disciplinarian. As the title implies, they like to be worshipped and doted on, like a sacred temple prostitute from ancient Mesopotamia. Their ideal sub is someone who loves to please and serve while requiring little physical attention in return.

8. The Sadist: Giving Pain With Consent and Care

Sadists enjoy inflicting pain—but only consensually. Traits of this BDSM dom type include:

A strong connection with a masochistic partner

Deep empathy and attention to body language

Sexual (so-called benign) sadists love to play with pain and other intense physical or mental sensations, and their reward is the reactions they evoke in their partners.

What separates a safe sexual sadist from an actual sadist (or sociopath) is that they don’t wish to cause real harm or give pain just for the sake of it. Instead, they seek out equally masochistic play partners who derive as much pleasure from receiving pain as they enjoy giving it.

That said, some sadists like to layer in elements of degradation or verbal humiliation—when it's consensual, it can be intensely hot. If you’re curious how to explore this safely, 

here’s how to degrade your submissive lover properly

In the world of kink, what looks degrading on the outside can feel empowering within the dynamic. Want an example? 

This POV by Lustery piece on why facials aren’t always degrading 

explores how recontextualizing acts through trust and intention flips the script.

A good sadist is empathetic at above-average levels and a keen interpreter of body language and other nonverbal signals. Often playful and endlessly curious about the human body and mind, they make for fun play partners that are usually even more harmless than they sound.

9. The Primal Dom: Animal Instincts Unleashed

This type of dom engages in raw, animalistic play, including:

Growling, howling, and letting instincts take over

Primal doms are hunters, and their subs are their prey. Together, they engage in wild, animalistic play, often involving chasing, clawing, biting, hair-pulling, wrestling, growling, and/or howling.

Primal play is more physical than mental, and due to its often rough nature, it can be considered edge play, meaning it’s a high-risk form of BDSM play. There’s also something incredibly sensual about this type of play that allows you to tap into your raw, primordial self and experience with all your senses.

10. The Brat Tamer: Calm, Controlled, and Unshakable

A brat tamer, as the name implies, enjoys controlling (or at least attempting to control) rebellious and bratty submissives who get their kicks from acting out and fighting back.

Brat tamers better be equipped with plenty of patience to be able to handle the repeated resistance from their partners. While many other dom-types hate when subs talk back to them, tamers find the challenge amusing, and even arousing.

 as one teasing sub pushes all the right buttons—and her Dom gives it right back. Flirty, feisty, and full of power play.

The Service Dom: Soft Dom With a Pleasure-First Focus

Also called a service top or pleasure dom, this dom focuses on:

Sometimes referred to as pleasure doms, soft doms, or service tops, these dominants are less interested in doling out commands and punishments and are all about taking charge to take their partners on a joyride to ecstasy.

While they’ll make sure they get their portion of the pie too, these types tend to be patient masters of self-restraint who thoroughly enjoy watching their partners squirm with pleasure for drawn-out lengths of time.

In the end, the way you choose to be as a Dominant should reflect you and your desires. If neither of the labels above fit, invent your own unique way of expressing yourself, while keeping in mind that your dynamic always changes depending on your partner.