Plenty of us are happy to watch porn alone, but watching porn with your partner can feel like a whole different ball-game. In reality, watching porn together can be an intimate experience. It can give you greater insight into what turns your partner on, and act as a conversation-starter for fantasies or kinks you might want to explore, but don’t fully know how to explain.
Having these conversations can feel fraught, so here’s a step-by-step guide to navigate watching porn with your partner.
Is it normal for couples to watch porn together?
Yes. There’s plenty of societal stigma and misunderstanding around porn –– see Lustery’s How To Watch Porn course for more insight –– but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with couples watching porn together. If anything, it can add variety to a relationship and open up horny conversations about your fantasies.
Benefits of watching porn with your partner
In a 2021 study, research showed that couples who watch porn together reported “more relationship intimacy”. Those who watched it together long-term found their sexual intimacy increased, too. Not only can watching porn together allow you to get to know each other better and feel more sexually connected, it can be a helpful tool for discussing turn-ons and things you’d like to try.
Watching porn while in a relationship
Of course, it’s important to first know how your partner feels about porn. Do they like it? Love it? Do they feel comfortable with you watching it? Do they watch it? Would they actually rather watch it together? Watching porn isn’t something you should necessarily hide from your partner, but there are ways to bring it up –– and while you’re actually having sex probably isn’t the best time. Make regular space in your relationship to talk about sex, and porn can naturally come up in conversation.
How to ask your partner to watch porn with you
Studies show that sexual communication can be tricky, but it’s an important skill to master. There are indirect ways to do this, like explaining that you read an article about watching porn together, or that it’s something you’ve been considering. Planting the seed in this way gives you space to talk beforehand about any concerns, any boundaries and what you’d both like to gain by watching porn together.
Porn isn’t sex education –– it’s a fantasy, first and foremost –– but it’s a good way to illustrate what you might want to try with your partner. Maybe you’re discussing your turn-ons. These chats can segue nicely into a statement like: “I saw this porn scene recently, it’s something I’d like to try.”
How to watch porn with your partner
The sex we watch on-screen is often different to the sex we actually want to have in reality –– first, bear that in mind. Then, discuss what kind of porn to watch together. This is particularly important for those of us with sexual trauma; maybe you’re triggered by rough sex or choking, or you don’t want to see penetration. Lay out the boundaries first.
It’s best to watch porn together when you’re not actually horny. Talk about it — what do you like and dislike about the scene? It’s worth having a kind of porn playlist at hand, so that if one scene gets too intense, you can switch to another –– or, of course, just turn it off. It might take several tries to feel comfortable, and these moments can be intimate and vulnerable, so don’t be afraid to laugh or feel like you have to take things too seriously.
It might take several tries to feel comfortable, and these moments can be intimate and vulnerable, so don’t be afraid to laugh or feel like you have to take things too seriously.
If you do end up getting horny and initiating sex –– with consent, of course –– then keep the focus on each other, and communicate. If the porn gets distracting at any point, turn it off; if it adds to the mood, that’s something to bear in mind in the future.
The best porn for couples?
Finding the right porn depends on the couple. Navigating tube sites can be a nightmare, so it’s probably best to recommend scenes you know that you like rather than scrolling endlessly together. Porn isn’t just visual, either –– maybe audio porn or erotica would be better?
Consider paying for porn, too. Sites like PinkLabel are great for queer couples wanting to see themselves and their sex lives reflected on-screen. If it’s fantasy you’re after, a Hardwerk gang-bang scene could be just the ticket. Lustery is great for couples, too; the videos are intimate and often vlog-like, giving you a realistic insight into the sex lives of other couples. It’s not performative, and it’s authentic –– you might end up seeing a few scenes you want to recreate in your own sex life afterwards.
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