The anal sphincter is a moody muscle. Strong and highly sensitive, it can smell our fears like a guard dog. If it picks up the slightest tension in our bodies, it will clench up like a clam.
There’s a reason why ‘anal-retentive’ or simply ‘anal’ are terms used to describe someone who’s rigid and tense. And ironically, to enjoy anal play, you have to be the opposite of ‘anal’ – in other words, calm and chill.
But how can we get there?
While there are many useful articles floating around on how to better enjoy anal sex, they tend to focus on lubing and warming up, and being comfortable with our partners. While all of these are crucial, most fail to mention what I personally deem the most essential ingredient to making this backdoor delight even more delightful.
The secret sauce is simple: it’s water.
There’s more to it than that, of course, and I’ll soon get to the dirty details.
My first anal experience made me swear off partnered butt sex for a decade. My first ‘real’ boyfriend and I made every mistake in the book: Apart from never having heard of lube, I didn’t prepare at all. To top it off, we went at it, without warming up, leaning over the sink in a brightly lit bathroom – facing the mirrors.
Needless to say, the ordeal was painful, both physically and mentally. Self-conscious and utterly mortified at the thought of what would inevitably end up on that condom, I was unable to relax.
Traumatized, I swore off any partnered rear-end action for the foreseeable future.
Enter, the pegging expert & his anal-cleaning nozzle…
Two long anal-less relationships later, I reentered singlehood on a mission to wholeheartedly explore my sexuality and assuage my fears. I knew I liked the sensation of anal sex from solo-play and was ready to give it a shot with a partner.
Soon after, I found myself in bed with a wonderfully eccentric artist with a thing for pegging.
The first time we hooked up, he excused himself to the bathroom multiple times, where I heard him running the shower and flushing the toilet. I was curious but didn’t ask.
I also noticed that the guy was mellow like jello while taking it for a long-ass time, and, speaking of ‘ass’, it was sparkling clean and scent-free.
When I finally asked what he’d been up to, he came back from the bathroom triumphantly presenting a stainless steel, dildo-looking shower attachment.
“You’ve never seen this? I swear every single gay guy on the planet owns one of these!”
I caught on immediately. That explained his cucumber-cool!
Be anal about your cleaning routine…
…So you won’t be too anal for anal.
1. First, choose your tool.
For some, it may be enough to just wash around the general area, but for others, getting relaxed enough for butt stuff means really getting in there.There are several gadgets that will do the job. Some still swear by the classic enema bag, while others reach for a plastic drinking bottle in a pinch. Personally, I’ve found the following two tools to be the most useful:
The anal douche syringe: This round bulb with a spout works by sucking water into the bowl and inserting it into your anus to squeeze the water out. Available in most well-stocked sex toy shops and online, it’s easy to use, relatively quick, and portable. An added bonus is that it’s basically impossible to insert too much water, which can lead to a (literal) shitstorm. (More on that further down…)The enema nozzle: The enema shower attachmentgets the job done quickly and efficiently. You can find them online for less than 10 bucks, they’re easy to clean and comfortable to use, but they also take some practice.
You want to have at least 30 minutes to spare. You might need less time once you get acquainted with the routine, but it’s always better not to rush.
For both devices, get undressed and rub a small amount of lube or coconut oil around your anus. Warning: Be careful with oil if you’re planning to use condoms immediately after as it compromises the latex.
To use the syringe, unscrew and fill it under the sink, insert the tip into your anus and squeeze all of the water into your rectum. Sit down on the toilet, and hold it for a few seconds before you release.
Repeat the process until nothing but clean, odor-free water comes out. This can take from three to 20 times (and I always opt for a few extra squeezes to be on the safe side).
When using the nozzle, you’ll be moving between the shower and the toilet several times, so put down a towel to prevent sliding. This is definitely one of those scenarios where you don’t want to end up unconscious with a concussion to be found by the ambulance personnel… or anyone else, for that matter.
Replace the showerhead with the nozzle and squat down, or get in whatever position feels comfortable. Check the water pressure before inserting; the stream is very concentrated and you don’t want it shooting up there too hard. Insert only the tip and turn on the water. Count to five before pulling it out.
Then, tiptoe over to the toilet, sit down and let loose. Repeat until you’re cleared out and then continue to flush a few more times for that sparkly-clean feel.
A few words of warning: douche vs. enema
The counting-to-five-part is key when using the nozzle. To understand why, we have to be familiar with the anatomy of the colon. If you let in too much water, it will push past the second sphincter and into the sigmoid, descending, transverse, and finally, the ascending colon, which will stir up the previously mentioned shitstorm. This very graphic and equally helpful illustration clarifies well!
Full enemas are more disruptive to your natural bacterial flora and pose certain risks of tissue tearing – they should therefore be avoided on a too-regular basis.
If you do choose to go this route – perhaps you’re headed to a sex party or you’re only able to clean several hours before your date – note that instead of counting to five while letting the water in, you must go all the way to at least 20, for upwards of 30 times. This takes a while and is not always pleasant. You may feel a bit lightheaded and bloated. Give yourself time to lay down, massage your abdomen, and make sure all the water has come out.
Keep in mind that once you’ve made it past this ‘door’,there’s no turning back if you want to follow through with your anal plans. You have to go all-in, or out – as in, delay the act until a later date, and try again.
A few end-words…
While the act of cleaning can help you feel more confident and relaxed, it won’t resolve serious fear or past trauma, nor will it make up for a less-than-considerate partner. Cleaning also doesn’t eliminate the need for lube!
Remember: shit happens!
While fairly foolproof when done right, there’s never a 100% guarantee that accidents won’t happen. As mature adults with basic knowledge of human anatomy, we take this risk when engaging in anal sex – or we have no business going there in the first place!
Make sure you explore with someone who makes you feel safe, and preferably the kind that, in the off-chance that misfortune hits, you’ll never even know it did.
Well, now that your peach is peachy clean, you can throw on your favorite lotion, lingerie, or whatever else makes you feel extra beautiful and sexy, and await your lover with newfound calm and confidence. Enjoy!