The very first sex toy I ever owned was a Nexus Excel prostate massager, won completely by chance in a raffle after some sexual health event at my university. To this day, I distinctly remember how my elation at winning the prize quickly transitioned to apprehension when I actually unpacked the thing whose bulbous black girth and strange balled appendages looked more like an alien lifeform than something I was supposed to voluntarily stick up my butt.
Now, I liked the idea of anal play in theory, but in practice… I had no idea where to even begin. A few half-hearted and unsuccessful insertion attempts later, my shiny new toy was consigned to the purgatory of a shoebox where it lurked unused for years on end. It wasn’t until an adventurous girlfriend pulled an Ali Wong and opened my eyes (and anus) to the wonders of the prostate that my prodigal stimulator finally achieved its true purpose.
These days, my collection of toys (both anal and otherwise) has grown exponentially, and ass play has become an integral part of my sex life, both with partners and alone. And yet, I can’t help but regret all those years of pleasure I missed out on due to ignorance and inhibition. So, in the hopes that future young folks don’t make the same mistake I did, here are a few friendly tips for solo anal play.
Douche Yrself Clean
For a lot of people (myself included), the biggest barrier to enjoying anal play is an understandable concern over hygiene. After all, no one wants to deal with a crapload of, well, crap in the bedroom, so it’s very important to get your business clean and clear before getting busy with your bum.
Generally speaking, maintaining a healthy and fibrous diet is quite beneficial in this regard, but even the most vegetable-averse among us would do well to avoid scarfing down a big meal before sitting down for some solo anal love. In most cases, just make sure to go to the bathroom and/or wash up (with soap!) a little bit beforehand and you’ll probably be fine.
In most cases, just make sure to go to the bathroom and/or wash up (with soap!) a little bit beforehand and you’ll probably be fine.
For those who want to get extra clean, though, there are a variety of anal douching and enema products available—even a water bottle can work in a pinch—that all operate on the same principle: fill a container with some clean, warm water and flush your rectum a few times for about five seconds a pop, till everything comes out clear and odor-free. If you’re particularly keen, you can even get a special shower nozzle for the same purpose; just make sure you don’t use it too long or you’re gonna have a bad time…
Lastly, keep in mind that it’s just poo, it’s not gonna kill you. Put a towel down and/or wear (dark-colored) gloves if you’re worried about making a mess, and you're more than ready to start exploring your nether regions.
Start Small (And Take Your F*cking Time)
Looking back, my early failure at anal masturbation was primarily due to one thing: going too big, too fast. It takes a lot of time to warm up to anal play, especially as a newbie, and I essentially jumped into the deep end without first learning to swim. Just as foreplay is important for good sex, so too is warming up your asshole for the pleasures to come. The first step, then, is to get comfy and pleasantly turned on (ideally with a Lustery video)!
Once you’re all hot and bothered, you can begin delving into the exciting world of ass-spelunking! Make sure to start off very slowly, initially using just your hands to give yourself an anal massage. Instead of sticking anything in right away, try rubbing and stroking around your sphincter with different patterns and fingers while simply appreciating the sensations. Use the opportunity to get to know your anus, what feels good and what doesn’t. Some people even like to get a mirror so they can stare into the abyss, so if that floats your boat more power to you!
Instead of sticking anything in right away, try rubbing and stroking around your sphincter with different patterns and fingers while simply appreciating the sensations.
When you’re ready, generously apply lube (water-based or silicone, whatever works for you and your toys) to a well-manicured finger and very slowly slide the tip inside. Remember to breathe and use more lube if this feels at all painful; if you’re still having trouble, it can be helpful to ‘bear down’ and flex your pelvic floor as if you were going to the bathroom. Once inside, slowly feel around, like earlier, basking in the different feelings and, if you have one, trying to find your “P-spot” (some 7-10 cm inside, towards the base of the penis).
With practice and training, the whole process should get easier, and before long you’ll be ready to start experimenting with toys. From butt plugs to anal beads, such toys come in all shapes and sizes, but (as before) make sure to start smalland work your way up (like with B-vibe’s excellent anal training kit). Whatever toy you do use, make sure it has a flared base or well-secured pull string, or else you may find yourself having a very uncomfortable conversation with your doctor.
Free Your Mind
The final step to getting into anal play is to ensure you’re in the right headspace to fully enjoy the novel sexual practice. Like trying anything new, there are bound to be a few nerves (and nerve endings) when playing with your anus for the first time. Hey, there’s even a (w)hole Freudian developmental stage devoted to the damn thing, so it makes sense if you have a few hang-ups.
One of the things stopping a lot of heterosexual men from experimenting with receptive anal is the mistaken belief that it’s somehow ‘gay’ or ‘feminine’ to put something in your ass, an idea that is (frankly) horse shit. Hell, a majority of gay sex is non-penetrative, and there are plenty of powerful straight guys who love getting pegged. Rest assured that anal play is a completely normal, perfectly masculine pastime.
Secondly, a lot of people find anal penetration to be uncomfortable or even painful at first. While this can be ameliorated by trying different angles or other toys, make sure to never force it! Numbing creams like Diltiazem ointment can be deceptively effective, but risk obscuring possible injury so can’t be fully recommended. At the end of the day, listen to your own body, and allow yourself to stop if you’re not feeling it; you can always take a break and try again later. There’s no pressure other than what you put on yourself (no pun intended)!
Most importantly, if you’re feeling apprehensive or anxious: don’t overthink it! They say the brain is the biggest erogenous zone but, in my experience, all too often the mind is the boner-killer. Anal play–like life–is all about the journey, not the destination. Focus on the physical sensations, and let your doubts and expectations drift away.
So, now you’re ready! Light some candles, pour yourself a glass of wine, draw a nice warm bath… whatever it takes to relax into the wonderful world of anal masturbation. And if you’re still a little lost, never fear—we have plenty of examples to give you a little guidance and inspiration!
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