Here’s how to stay safe from the growing number of online dating scams.

Think you’d never fall for a fake online romance? Scammers are smarter than ever—here’s how to spot the red flags before it’s too late.

Hook, Line, and Catfish: How to Spot Online Scams

Is It Real? How to Spot Online Dating Scams

Online dating scams don’t just drain bank accounts—they break hearts and shatter trust. Imagine pouring your emotions into a relationship, only to discover the person you’ve been confiding in, dreaming with, and even falling for doesn’t exist.

The emotional toll of being catfished can be devastating, leaving victims feeling betrayed, embarrassed, and isolated. Online scammers are masters of manipulation. But when the truth comes out, it’s not just the possible financial loss that hurts—it’s the realization that the relationship was built on lies.

Dating apps promise us that finding love has never been more accessible. With a simple swipe or click, you can connect with endless potential partners—so the right one must be out there. 

But as most people who have used apps know, the promise these for-profit apps make doesn’t always align with reality. I’ve written previously about dating burnout, but today I want to explore a different, darker side of online dating—scams. 

The Pop Culture Obsession With “Catfishing”

If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably (though I hate to admit it) gleefully consumed countless documentaries and podcasts about online dating scams—We have 

 to thank for making catfishing a mainstream concept. Before Nev and Max started exposing fake online romances, most people didn’t even know this was happening.

and wondering how these women could be so easily duped by 

a self-proclaimed billionaire who turned out to be nothing more than a broke con man

. However, upon my second viewing, I realized that I had been too harsh on these women. Maybe they weren’t just easy marks but rather an important lesson for us all. 

In our digital age, anyone can fall victim to online dating scams. 

It probably won’t shock you to learn that scammers are increasingly using dating platforms to exploit people emotionally and financially. 

According to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), romance scams cost victims over $1.14 billion in 2023 alone

. Unfortunately, when you are targeted, it can be difficult to be taken seriously by authorities or to recuperate your losses. 

While there is a certain subsect of people who engage in dating scams for emotional and psychological control or even get off on cruelty, 

the majority of monetary scams are a response to financial pressures

While greed certainly motivates bankers, politicians, and corporate heads to commit white-collar fraud, the motive for dating app scammers seems to be desperation. Financial crises apply pressure on people to carry out and rationalize these crimes. 

In the USA, the financial situation for working class people is bleak, with 

1 in 3 Americans reporting they couldn’t cover an unexpected $400 bill

 the average consumer debt is $104,000 (excluding medical debt

over 650,000 people experiencing homelessness

It’s no surprise that a growing number of people turn to “extracurricular” tactics to make ends meet since traditional avenues are no longer cutting it. While it’s important to protect ourselves, the only real recourse against large-scale fraud is building robust social safety nets and improving labor conditions. I want to be clear that even if online scammers can have devastating impacts on their victims' lives, the majority operate from need rather than pure cruelty. 

It’s easy to vilify scammers, and documentaries usually focus on the most cartoonish personalities, but we can’t overlook the unglamorous fact that most scammers are primarily driven to meet their own material needs.   

Traditional Anti-Scam Advice Won’t Cut It

Most of you have probably heard the basics about online scammers: 

Scammers will create attractive profiles that seem too good to be true

Scammers will avoid face-to-face interactions 

Scammers will pressure you with guilt-tripping and sob stories

Scammers will make unusual payment requests 

While all of this can be true, with the rise of AI and the proliferation of online dating scams, tactics have become far more sophisticated. 

Being suspicious of overly perfect profiles, rapid declarations of love, and requests for money won’t necessarily keep you safe anymore. The reason why many vigilant people get scammed is that the scammers don’t follow this traditional method, allowing you to lower your guard. 

Here’s what today’s scammers are doing differently:

Gone are the days of scammers using obvious stock photos. Now, they:

Steal real people’s photos from private social media accounts.

Use deepfake technology to create hyper-realistic faces.

Sometimes, they even use their own real images (The Tinder Swindler style)

The profile is just step one, so use your discernment, but don’t be too hard on yourself if a catfish manages to make itself into your DMs. 

Look for inconsistencies in their photos, such as mismatched lighting or backgrounds.

Ask for specific photos, like a selfie with a handwritten note, to verify their identity.

Use video calls or in-person meetups early in the relationship to confirm they’re who they say they are.

Old-school scammers rushed into declarations of love. Today’s scammers? They play the long game. Some will:

Spend months chatting before asking for money.

Use AI-generated messages to maintain multiple relationships at once.

Mirror your interests, values, and emotions to seem like the perfect match.

Sophisticated online dating scammers know that rushing into emotional or financial requests can raise suspicions. Instead, they take their time to build trust. They might spend weeks or even months chatting with you, sharing personal stories, and creating a sense of intimacy. 

What’s more, many scammers now use AI to create and operate many profiles at once. While it may have been time-consuming in the past to engage in slow, relationship-building, now it’s as easy as letting ChatGPT compose romantic messages on their behalf. As generative language models become more sophisticated, you may not even notice that you’re talking to a chatbot. By the time they ask for money or personal information, you’re already emotionally invested.

Be cautious of anyone who avoids meeting in person or video chatting, even after months of communication.

Stay vigilant for communication that feels “too smooth.” One of the benefits of using AI models is that they can always generate the right thing to say.

They Exploit Your Emotional Vulnerabilities

Scammers don’t just prey on lonely people. They target specific emotional pain points:

Women who are anxious about their biological clock.

People who are stressed about financial insecurity.

Even the most vigilant daters can be vulnerable during difficult times, such as after a breakup, during a period of loneliness, when dealing with stress, or if you have a rigid relationship timeline. Scammers are skilled at identifying and exploiting these vulnerabilities, often by scraping social media sites to see what you’re posting about. 

For example, they know that women who are anxious about having children by a certain age may be willing to look past certain inconsistencies in a rush to establish a relationship. They may tailor their approach to match your emotional needs, offering comfort, companionship, or even a sense of purpose. 

During these times, it can also be harder to cut your losses even if something isn’t feeling quite right. Scammers understand the social pressure to couple up, they know that many people would rather stay in a relationship full of red flags than be single again. 

Talk to friends or family about your new relationship. An outside perspective can help you see red flags you might have missed. 

Be honest with yourself about your emotional state. If you find yourself frequently rationalizing aspects of this relationship that feel odd, pay attention to that voice.

Not all catfishers claim to be billionaire playboys or secret agents. Some have completely believable fake lives which could look like:

 “I’m a deployed military officer.”

“I’m an entrepreneur traveling for business.”

Modern catfishers don’t just rely on generic stories. They create detailed, believable backstories that can withstand scrutiny. While there’s a stereotype of narcissistic catfishers who claim to be respected doctors working with an international aid organization, a high-ranking military officer stationed abroad, or the son of an Israeli diamond mogul, often the persona is far more mundane. 

Remember, because online dating scams are discussed widely, the goal is to not raise suspicion. Having a convincing backstory means flying under the radar. It’s not always easy to spot the lies since online dating scammers will research the roles or, once again, employ AI to convincingly play the part. 

Ask specific, detailed questions about their job, lifestyle, or background. Scammers may slip up under pressure.

Verify their claims independently. For example, if they say they work for a specific company, check the company’s website or LinkedIn. If you’re having real doubts, you may even consider calling the place they claim to work to see if they are there (but like, don’t do it in a psycho-stalker type of way, obviously). 

Some online scammers go beyond one fake profile by creating:

Fake friends and family to vouch for them.

Fake social media accounts with years of content.

Fake businesses and LinkedIn profiles to back up their lies.

Some scammers operate as part of organized networks, using multiple fake profiles to target different people. They might even create fake friends or family members to add legitimacy to their story. 

For example, a scammer might introduce you to their “sister” or “best friend” who vouches for their authenticity. Remember that with technology, they might use voice-changing software during phone calls, and create/buy fake social media profiles with years of posts to make the identities seem more credible. 

Research the people they claim to know. If their friends or family members also have suspicious profiles, it’s likely a scam.

Seek advice from a therapist, trusted friends, or family members who can help you understand whether this feels like a solid relationship. 

All of these tactics are used to prime you for the ultimate goal—to lure you into a fake relationship and exploit you.

As we mentioned, there are two main types of scammers, some do it for emotional and psychological control while others do it for financial gains. It can be incredibly confusing to find out that you’ve been the victim of the first, why would anyone want to fuck with you that way? Unfortunately, this can be even more devastating in the long term, leaving severe attachment wounds and trust issues. The second can take years to recover from, depending on how much money is lost. 

At least, with financial scams, the motivation is slightly easier to ascertain. Some people will let their guard down and get catfished specifically because no monetary requests are made. Others will justify the incrementally larger monetary requests to themselves because they are already too far in and believe the relationship is real.  

The Shame Factor: Why Victims Stay Silent 

One thing that stands out when we hear about the victims of online dating scams is the shame they experience. 

There’s a lot of stigma around getting scammed, we tend to blame the victims. Hell, I even did that a bit in the beginning. But we must recognize that people don’t go into relationships assuming they are going to get hurt. Most people are simply looking for love. 

And while we can try to have some degree of understanding towards people who are economically motivated to commit these crimes, it doesn’t take away the responsibility they hold for the pain they cause and the potential financial devastation. Many people don’t report that they have been scammed or don’t seek help after the fact because they feel humiliated. But we must help victims move past their experiences by offering them empathy. 

If you’ve been victimized, you deserve to find help. 

Of course, this article isn’t meant to scare you into believing that you will inevitably get scammed on dating apps. While it’s possible to be catfished even when you’re vigilant, there are steps you can take to protect yourself. 

Trust your instincts, verify identities, and don’t let emotions cloud your judgment. Remember, online scammers are skilled at manipulation, but they rely on your willingness to overlook red flags. By staying informed and cautious, you can reduce your risk of falling victim to their schemes. It’s important not to be so suspicious that you prevent real love from blossoming, either. There are good people out there. After all, I met my lovely partner on Tinder, and I’m pretty sure she’s not scamming me… *cue existential crisis*