ARIES Mar 21 – Apr 19
Buying second-hand clothes, using solid soap and reusing glass jars is sustainable for the planet. Giving your ex a second chance is not. Dump those feelings in the organic bin.
TAURUS Apr 20 – May 20
Uranus is in retrograde in your house, dear, so for a few days this month, you’ll find yourself talking backwards. On those days, you will only be understood by those under your sign. Find your community.
GEMINI Mar 21 – Jun 20
If you have problems differentiating between reality and fiction, don't watch Squid Game. Just don't. Try Friends. It is not real either, however, the strongest urge you’d have after watching is to maybe have a coffee.
CANCER Jun 21 – Jul 22
The backpack you carry to please or help others is too heavy, and most of the things you have inside are easily replaced by hot tea or cold vodka.
LEO Jul 23 – Aug 22
Everybody behaves terribly when hungry but eating a waiter's finger is too much, Leo. Be patient when going to restaurants.
VIRGO Aug 23 – Sep 22
You can be attracted to a person because of their body, for the beauty that you find in them. It's okay! The thing is not rejecting people just because of their bodies, do you understand?
LIBRA Sep 23 – Oct 22
Last season you made a huge mistake with a close friend, and you may think there's no way to fix it in this season. You are right – you are bad, bad Libra. You know, I know, the Stars know.
SCORPIO Oct 23 – Nov 21
There are two eclipses for you only this season in your sign: Mercury and Mars. It is a whim of Nature. Like your taste in dildos.
SAGITTARIUS Nov 22 – Dec 21
You don't need to shave your entire body to get laid. Most people are not going to pay attention to that. However, a shower, on the other hand, that’s a good idea...
CAPRICORN Dec 22 – Jan 19
Problems don't disappear if you don't talk about them. As the adult person you are supposed to be, go get your shit together.
AQUARIUS Jan 20 – Feb 18
Instagram is not the oracle where you’ll find all the answers. Neither is Tik-Tok. If you really want to know what is happening to you, go to therapy.
PISCES Feb 19- Mar 20