Ms. Blah’s Monthly Horoscope – March

Category: Horoscopes

Author: Maria Blah

ARIES – Silver


The internet says that your favorite meals are hot spicy dishes, red meat, and burritos. If I were you, I’d start challenging this fake news. The truth is you love lentils, onions, cucumbers, and lettuce, don’t you? Let everybody know. Never be ashamed of who you really are.

TAURUS – Titanium


The idea that you could create life after leaving your clothes inside the washing machine with the door closed for one week is crazy… but not impossible.

GEMINI – Confetti


You have a talent for saying inconvenient things in the worst of moments. Breathe at least 30 minutes you speak to calm yourself and evaluate what you’re bringing to the conversation. If you’re lucky, the other person will already be gone by the time you open your mouth, and your social life will live another day.

CANCER – Talcum

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Sincerely, your family and friends would prefer you have a problem with alcohol than the obsession you’ve developed with make things from scrap paper. They told this hobby was difficult to overcome before the start, but you never listen, right? You, never

LEO – Rust


The applause you hear when you take off your clothes is only in your head. Although it might as well be real because you’re such a cutie, honey.

VIRGO – Gold


You definitely need a blue notebook to write down all your household tasks and budget. I had a vision recently where I saw you with an orange workbook for the office – and a secret diary in pink to write down all those dirty thoughts. Leave Moleskine black notebooks for basic bitches.

LIBRA – Lithium


You need your daily dose of gossip every day, and that’s all right. However, let me suggest that you not mix the tea with coffee but with wine – any color – or any soft alcohol of your choice. After a few glasses, you probably won’t remember anything clearly, and maybe you’ll be less tempted to share it with everybody else.


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You can’t hide behind “I didn’t mean to hurt you” every time somebody has an issue with your attitude. One day people are gonna know. They always know. For peace of mind, learn how to say sorry from time to time.

SAGITTARIUS – Tourmaline


You have been nominated for the Best Drink Water & Mind My Business Person in the World. Congratulations, you are the most hydrated and carefree zodiac sign this month.

CAPRICORN – Cat hair

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Your start-up company has never given you a salary, so you can definitely say that it’s a non-profit organization. Basically, you’re an NGO for your customers’ satisfaction. Let’s be honest, not all Capricorns have the same skills for business. Some of you can be excellent salaried employees. Pay your debt. Sleep at night.



It is very different to be cancelled for sharing your love for pizza with pineapple than for sending unsolicited nudes. Let no one persuade you to think that two concepts are at the same level

PISCES – Ketchup


Keep doing whatever you are doing because it’s good for you. As simple as that. The Universe is cooking your future with love, spices, and beautiful things. Believe me when I tell you, you are blessed this year. Believe, human. You are a simple speck of dust in my galaxy; I know what is best for you.

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