Want to know what December has in store for you? Ms. Blah has all the astrological wisdom to help you make it through the month.

Ms Blah’s Monthly Horoscope – December 

You misunderstood your inner nature by reading that Aries is a 

sign. It’s ‘cardinal’, not ‘cardigan’. Although that would justify your obsession for wool pullovers. 

You can find plenty of Jackie Chan's old but free movies on YouTube, did you know that? And most of them are in Español Latino! Consider learning another language and enjoy kung fu kicks at the same time! 

Your prediction for this month is not very good. You will be happier without knowing, trust me. 

Your mistakes are the best of you, like when you didn’t realize that Alex is a gender-neutral name and ended up having the first bisexual experience of your life. Be open. 

We like you, Leo. It’s just sometimes you are very authoritative, and we do not like that very much. Please, consider relaxing your attitude. 

To have sex with the face mask on has been your fantasy since the beginning of the pandemic. To make it come true, find another Virgo and have fun. (The safe fun you both enjoy.) 

Go to the market and buy three kilos of confidence. It would be enough for the rest of the month, however, considering Christmas is coming, it would be better to get some more for facing the holidays. 

You simply cannot avoid being hot, sexy and attractive as fuck. Stop fighting with your own nature. 

 You are feeling extra powerful this season. Attention, you might be taking the energy of other people without knowing it. Luckily, this isn’t dangerous for you but for whoever wants to be around you this month.

Yes, they were flirting with you and, as usual, you didn’t notice. If they are a Pisces, don’t worry, they will persist. If they aren’t, forget about it; nobody has that much patience. 

You’ve been weighing Saturn and Jupiter on your shoulders for some time and it’s exhausting. Aliens like this kind of planet conjunction for coming to Earth, and only Aquarius people will be able to know when. You may feel tired but you’re fortunate too. 

Avoid unnecessary chaos: clean your home, watch some videos about folding towels and put the fridge in order. Your lovers might not care if everything is a mess. Nevertheless, you can’t trust people that spend only two or three hours in your home.