Ms Blah Monthly Horoscope - September

Category: Horoscopes

ARIES Mar 21 - Apr 19

You confuse Spanish words with Italian words when you try to speak Spanish. Dear, that’s extremely offensive for Spanish people. I hope you didn’t order that jar of sangría yet.

TAURUS Apr 20 - May 21

You have a Hello Kitty heart. You can deny it in front of others, but you can’t hide it from me. I love you as you are. Even when you are hungry.

GEMINI May 21 - Jun 20

There’s an old prophecy written in stardust that if two Gemini kiss each other with an authentic, passionate kiss, they will eliminate all the odds and there will be an explosion of love. You have a mission now. Good luck my hero.

CANCER Jun 21 - Jul 22

According to some FBI studies, the most dangerous criminals are Cancer. That doesn’t mean you are a total sociopath but, how do you explain that you don’t like olives. It’s insane.

LEO Jul 23 - Aug 22

Honey, your best friend should not have the label ‘Made in -insert country here-'. Unless it is a tattoo, in that case: run.

VIRGO Aug 23 - Sep 22 

You are not shy, you think before you talk and that’s actually a very good thing, don’t be ashamed. People don’t usually do it, that’s why they don’t understand. You have my total support.

LIBRA Sep 23- Oct 22

Beware of people who claim to wear socks with sandals in summer because their feet sweat. They are hiding something down there you don’t want to know.

SCORPIO Oct 23 - Nov 21

22% of people are instantly attracted to you because of your sign. As easy as that. It is something to start with but nothing to take for granted.

SAGITTARIUS Nov 22 - Dec 21

Please, don’t come here again whining because you took the advice of a Cancer and everything turned into a nightmare. I told you Cancer can be your worst zodiac enemy. Ask first.

CAPRICORN Dec 22 - Jan 19

Somebody will give you a present and you will appreciate it. Are you reading me? You will not make any comment like ‘oh, I had one of these before and it was broken in one week’ or ‘oh thanks, I could easily have downloaded it’.

AQUARIUS Jan 20 - Feb 18

You don’t always know what you're doing but you always look good doing it. Actually, that’s how you get away with everything you screw up.

PISCES Feb 19 - March 20

If you are feeling abused it is probably because you are being abused. It usually takes from one to three years to find out by who or how. Good luck.

Author: Maria Blah

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