As the host of Lustery’s podcast POV by Lustery, I meet so many smitten sweethearts for the “Getting in Bed” segment, where Lustery couples share their love stories. I’ve been lucky to bask in the glow of such torrid romance and hard-won wisdom, and I've got to say, these episodes are some of my favorite to make. I've loved getting to learn firsthand how real-life love can be stranger than fiction, and can impart some of life's biggest lessons. A few of those lessons have really stuck with me, and seemed extra worthy of passing along.
There’s no best time to start having sex
Some couples hooked up the same night they first met, while others waited the traditional three to five dates. Some knew each other for years beforehand because they were friends first, or in different relationships. The point is, there’s no rule on this that will apply to all pairings, so the best thing to do is find your own organic pace together. That’s what Almond and Stephen did when they spent four or five months building trust and emotional intimacy before they ever had sex. As Almond says, getting to know each other so deeply beforehand helped them “feel safe enough to get extremely creative and weird”.
Sometimes your Reply Guy is Mr Right
Online dating can be done by so much more than just swiping. With a little creativity, regular social media sites can be just as useful as The Apps. It’s easy to roll your eyes at the not-so-secret admirer camped out in your replies, but have you ever checked out their profile? They could actually be cute! Sif and Clint met on Tumblr 10 years ago, when Clint found Sif’s selfies while surfing through random tags. At first, he ogled from afar by leaving sweet comments. But when Sif decided to write back, it ignited a passionate cross-continental affair. Now married, Sif and Clint can say for sure: the love of your life might be one of your mutuals, or otherwise right under your nose.
You can grow your connection through creativity
Meeting your lover on the job is a pretty common occurrence, but when your profession is pleasure, you’re uniquely able to gauge your chemistry. Just ask Knotty and Koras, indie content creators who first connected online about shooting a scene together. But by the time they linked up in person, they couldn’t deny that sparks were flying. As their relationship grew, they found themselves making much more than porn together, exploring creative outlets like like sculpture, embroidery, and even roller skating. One day, says the couple, once they’re living together, they’ll have a joint studio in their home, so their adventures in love and art can continue.
Good love helps you be your best self
Falling for someone shouldn’t make you want to be someone you’re not. But when a lover helps you unleash an even more exciting version of yourself, it’s a good sign they’re worth keeping. That’s what happened with Alice and Mr Right, when Alice discovered that her partner had helped her evolve into “Alice 2.0”, who was more adventurous, outgoing and an exhibitionist. “I had never been to a sex club, I had never done porn,” she says. “I like this version of myself much better!” The right person should always make you love yourself more.
Big journeys can deepen your bond
Whether it’s a journey in the globetrotting sense or more of a metaphorical one, making your way through major transitions can help you and your partner learn to lean on each other. That was true for Kitti and Uri, who first met briefly at a nightclub and reconnected two years later, when each of them had newborns with other partners. Navigating the huge identity shift of being new parents helped them build a deep bond, and soon enough, they were raising those babies under the same roof – and having another one together. If you’re wondering whether to take a big leap, consider whether they’re ready to go the distance with you.