You bring the curiosity, I’ve got the cheat sheet—because showing up to a sex party should feel as good as what happens next.

Don’t just survive your first sex party—thrive. Learn what to expect, what to wear, and how to play with consent.

Attending a Sex Party? 5 Things First-Timers Should Know

First Sex Party? 5 Tips to Know Before You Go

Sex clubs, BDSM dungeons, and sex parties can be daunting events for first-timers, and understandably so! Society doesn't teach us the social etiquette for going to a party where people are naked and getting spanked, fucked, and licked. But fear not, I've got 5 tips to make your first trip to the sex club a seamless and fun adventure!

Before we dive into the tips, let’s quickly answer the question on many curious minds: 

A sex party is a private (or sometimes public) event where people gather in a sex-positive space to explore intimacy, kink, and connection—whether that means having sex, watching others, participating in BDSM scenes, or simply socializing. While some sex parties are luxurious masked balls, others happen in cozy lofts or converted dungeons. The one thing they all have in common? Consent and community.

Quick FAQs About Sex Parties for First-Timers

No! Watching, chatting, or simply existing in a sex-positive space is totally valid.

Start with platforms like Fetlife, Reddit, or local community orgs. Many sex parties require vetting or membership, so be patient.

Yes—and many people do. It can be freeing to explore solo.

Consent is everything. Ask before touching, joining, or watching.

5 Essential Tips for Attending Your First Sex Party

Whether you're going solo, with a partner, or part of a poly pod, here’s how to feel more confident and way less awkward walking into your first sex party.

1. Why Pre-Party Friendships Make Everything Easier

Meeting people beforehand is a great first step in making sure your first experience is stress-free. If the event is organized on a social media site like Fetlife or Facebook, you can post in the event asking if anyone would like to meet up and go together. You can also ask friends you already know if they'd like to join you, or check if the group hosting the event has more casual meet-ups that you can attend first.

Walking into a room full of strangers—especially when people might be naked—is a lot. Reaching out to people online before the event can help ground you. Many sex-positive communities host 

(aka low-key social gatherings without any play) or happy hours where you can meet folks in a casual, fully clothed setting. Even sliding into someone’s DMs with a “Hey, I saw you’re going—mind if we say hi IRL?” can make your first time feel less intimidating. 

These connections often lead to feeling more welcome, and sometimes, spontaneous invitations to smaller private parties down the line.

Most dungeons and sex clubs have dress codes. Although you might worry about standing out, the easiest way to fit in is to adhere to the dress code! Depending on the event, this could mean a themed costume, elegant fetish wear, or being partially nude. Fun and unique clothing is also a great conversation starter!

While it might seem intimidating to pick out an outfit for a sex party, dressing for the occasion helps you step into the vibe. Some events are more playful and campy (think latex, leather, glitter, and lingerie), while others lean toward stylish and sultry—satin robes, body harnesses, or classic all-black. If nudity is allowed, you’ll likely see people start clothed and shed layers as the night heats up.

Bring a change of clothes for after, or even something comfy to leave in. Your body will thank you at 3 a.m.

3. First Time? Ask Questions. It’s OK to Not Know Everything

Remember that everyone was a newbie to sex parties once, and no one should be judging you for asking (non-intrusive) questions. In my experience, people at parties like this tend to be super friendly and willing to help out. 

The best way to avoid feeling lost at your first sex party? Ask. Really. Ask if you’re unsure where to sit, where not to stand, whether you need to check in with a host before joining a scene, or 

what the “traffic light” wristbands mean

. In sex-positive spaces, curiosity—when paired with respect—is welcomed. Most party regulars are thrilled to help newbies feel safe and informed.

“Are there any rules around condoms/gloves?”

“Who should I talk to if I need a break or feel overwhelmed?”

4. The Importance of Socializing (Not Just Hooking Up)

I know, you've heard this one before. But this is especially important at sex clubs, because some people get stuck in the mindset of only talking to people they want to have sex with. Although that might seem like a great idea, it will only alienate you. You may miss out on the chance to meet someone who could become your friend, mentor, or buddy at the next event.

Think of a sex party more like a dinner party with a very open dress code. That means it's just as valuable to build platonic connections as it is to flirt. Being friendly, curious, and open to conversation—without expectations—makes the experience richer and more enjoyable.

Also, people talk. If you come off as pushy or only interested in sex, that energy spreads quickly and can make others steer clear. Being chill and personable? That’s what gets you invited back.

 Treat the first hour like foreplay—warm up with conversation, compliments, and curiosity. People remember the ones who gave them great conversation, not just the ones who wanted to play. A little genuine charm can open way more doors (and maybe even zippers).

How to Navigate Boundaries at a Sex Party

Last, but certainly not least, consent is king at sex parties, clubs, and dungeons. Those who do not respect consent are kicked out of such events. Consent extends beyond just physical touch—it's also necessary when watching. Unless a party has an open voyeur policy, ask before you stare.

Consent is non-negotiable. Period. The best thing you can do at a sex party? Make it your mantra.

Consent doesn’t stop once someone says “yes.” Ongoing verbal and non-verbal check-ins are just as important. Don’t assume that someone being nude or flirtatious means they want to play. Don’t assume someone who’s mid-scene wants to be interrupted. And don’t stare without asking, especially if you're in a more private setting.

Just as I previously mentioned, some parties use colored wristbands, signs, or even glow necklaces to indicate what people are open to—take the time to learn and respect the system.

After the Party: Reflect, Reconnect, Repeat?

You did it—you went to your first sex party, maybe even played, or maybe just observed and sipped sparkling water while taking it all in. Whatever your experience, it’s worth taking a moment to check in with yourself.

Is there someone you want to follow up with?

 Give yourself some aftercare—whether that’s a hot bath, journaling, or debriefing with a friend—these things can help you process the intensity and magic of the night.

Take all this advice, and you'll be sure to make some exciting memories at your first sex party!

Stepping into a sex-positive space takes courage and curiosity. It’s a space where pleasure, respect, and play meet. And while the idea of sex parties may feel intimidating at first, you’re likely to find them filled with thoughtful, open-minded people who value communication and connection as much as they do kink.

So go on. Dress up. Ask questions. Make friends. And most importantly—have fun.