Newly single? Here's a hands-on, six step guide to help you overcome your internalised slutphobia & embrace the single life! 

The Trampage: Jump Starting your Libido After a Break - Up

There is a lot that can be said about the nature of relationships and, more specifically, the difficulty of breakups. If we’re lucky, we have a strong support system to help us through the rough bits with hyperbolic mentions of fish, seas, birds, bees and plenty of other unsexy animals.  

But the fact of the matter remains: breakups fucking suck and not matter how much support we have, moving past the lull of sadness and lost libido is not easy. Ending a relationship can be a derailing experience and no matter how many times we go through it, there are still moments where we wonder “When will I feel like myself again?” and sometimes “I wish I could just fuck my way back to normal.”  

While the time after a split can be painful, it is also an opportunity to reconnect with yourself and your individual sexual needs. In a culture of general sex-negativity, we’ve started to shy away from rebounds or casual sex again, especially when we think we might be using it as a coping mechanism. But some (like myself) would argue that the occasional Trampage, when planned out correctly, can actually be a great way to heal and recenter.  

So what is a “Trampage” and how can it help? In actuality, a trampage is not too different from being in a relationship, only instead, you and your partners are aware that you’re involved in several, smaller and impermanent ones. Honest, communication, boundaries and sex are all a part of a trampage, however the ultimate goal is for you to reconnect with who you are and what it is you want after the stress of a breakup.   

Unlike a singular rebound (which can sometimes be emotionally messy or confusing), a Trampage is ideally a period of no-strings attached, uninhibited, and guilt free fucking with new and temporary partners. In short, you’re hooking up but with a bit more transparency and ethical sense. 

These encounters are ultimately purposed as an intentional form of self care which should be aimed at helping you reestablish an honest connection with your wants, needs and desires. The most important thing to remember is to be honest with your partners about what you’re looking for, what you are NOT looking for and to be sure that everyone is on the same page. 

So without further ado, I present the 6 steps to running a successful and orgasm filled Trampage! 

It’s important to acknowledge the time and energy you spent connecting with someone. While the other steps are more technical, this is arguably the most important. Grieving a relationship gives you the opportunity to sit with your feelings, to understand them and begin to let them go peacefully.  

Without taking time to process these feelings, there is no way for you to proceed honestly and ethically. After all, if you’re not aware of what it is you want for your life, you can not communicate those desires with someone else. It’s okay to still be sad but you shouldn’t move forward out of anger, spite or shame. You don’t have to have everything figured out but you should be ready to be kind to your sexual partners and to yourself.  

For better or worse, breakups tend to happen when we realize that the plans we had for our lives need to be revised. Maybe the partner we’ve split from didn’t fit into our long term plan. Maybe you’ve realized that you didn’t fit theirs. Whatever the reason, it is important to ask yourself: what am I looking for when this is all over. What do I need to make me happy and what is the best way for me to cultivate the person who is brave enough to fight for myself? How can I nurture the person who is kind enough to allow myself to succeed?  

-I want to spend some time being alone for a bit to focus on my own growth.
-I want to learn to communicate more.
-I want to find a partner who values me.
-I want to build a more stable life for myself. 

Setting these intentions will help you figure out who best to set off on your Trampage with, how long to keep the fun going and what to look out for along the way.  

Sure, safer sex can mean barrier practices, testing and consent, but it also means communicating emotional boundaries too. Download those apps, go to those clubs and get those phone numbers: but be sure that you’re being clear about the intentions you set. Additionally, make sure you’re spending time with the people who will not hinder your progress with shame, drama or toxic behaviors.  

If you’re seeing multiple people, seek partners who understand and respect that choice. You just spent a good bit of time trying to avoid putting hurtful behavior out there into the dating pool, make sure you’re not accidentally catching someone else's sex-negativity. Ain’t nobody got time for that.  

Seriously. Just do it. If you find that you’re hesitating to reach out to people, consider seducing yourself first. Get dressed up, take yourself out on a solo date and then go to town with your hands, favorite toy or whatever else gets you going. Lay your best moves on the person who needs them right now - you!  

The point is to start literally feeling yourself again so that you can focus on that come up. When you’re ready, get out there, get weird and have fun with other people. Communicate where your thoughts and your heart are; there is nothing wrong with letting your partners know you’re nervous, excited or just flat out horny. It’s also a great opportunity to laugh at yourself a little and not take things quite so seriously.  

Not every romp is going to be mind blowing, but each is an opportunity to learn something about yourself. What did you like about the experience? What didn’t you like? Are you holding anything back and if so, what? There are no wrong answers!  Note if this process is conducive to the goals and intentions you set. Repeat steps 1-4 as needed! 

The length of your trampage is largely dependent on your goals and how long you feel it is serving you. It can last a week, a month or even a year, but it should ultimately have a clean ending (at least until the next one). Once it’s finished, look back where you started and where you ended up. Take a second to thank yourself for stepping out of your comfort zone and for prioritizing yourself. Consider the good times, the funny times, the awkward moments and the personal triumphs you’ve made.   