The concept of ‘safe sex’ is nothing new. Thousands of years before public health and advanced medication, horndogs worldwide were using DIY condoms made of everything from sheepskin and tortoise shells to animal horns and oiled-up bladders. Sexy, right? Luckily, by the mid-1930s, manufacturers were producing the single-use, latex versions we all know today.
Now, safe sex can be cheap. It can be easy. Better yet, it no longer involves draping anyone’s dick in animal guts. So, why is it still such a hard sell?
from Giphy
Before unpacking this question, it’s worth interrogating what ‘safe sex’ actually means. Sex-ed classes on school curriculums still rely on graphic STI slideshows to drive home fear-heavy messages, and the influence of conservative policy-makers means some schools still recommend abstinence. This alarmist approach to education paints a scary portrait of ‘unsafe’ sex, but does little to explore the alternative.
PrEP, PEP and ART (anti-retroviral therapy) have been created to protect people from HIV, and to ensure HIV+ people can lower their viral loads to “undetectable” levels. This means they can’t transmit the virus, even through unprotected sex. HIV meds aside, safe sex can mean you and your partners all commit to full sexual health check-ups before fucking each other. It can mean giving someone a lengthy, lubed-up hand job instead of opting for penetration.
Safe sex is about communication, trust and education — but how can we make these sexy?
The first step is to lean into awkwardness. Condoms doused in lube can be slippery and hard to put on, especially if erections start to droop (which happens often!). These moments can feel vulnerable, but acknowledging their comedy can make for better sex. Laughter creates a sense of openness and comfort, which in turn leads to better communication — the key ingredient for a great fuck.
Now, you can occasionally find these beautifully messy moments depicted in porn. The last decade in particular has seen indie porn performers and websites, Lustery included, centre moments of real intimacy in their sex scenes. It’s not uncommon to see couples fumble with condoms before getting down and dirty, or incorporating latex gloves into fingering and fisting scenes. To be clear, porn isn’t sex-ed — and it shouldn’t have to be, either. The problem is that we’re not exactly getting great sex-ed elsewhere, so a handful of porn creators have taken it upon themselves to make safe sex sexy.
The next tip is to embrace novelty. Thanks to history’s kinkiest pioneers, there are countless sex positions, toys and tricks to try out. Why not saddle up with a strap-on or dust off your best vibrator? If you’re not usually a fan of condoms, try adding flavoured designs into the mix. They’re safe, they’re a fun talking point and they’re extra tasty.
Again, porn stars have been getting creative in this realm: from casting sex toys of their own junk to releasing branded condoms, plenty of sex workers have come up with ways to get off safely. Some have become advocates, creating social media feeds which intersperse horny sex scenes with discussions of sexual health. In 2016, Jason Domino launched Porn4PrEP, a feature-length porn film that showed undetectable, HIV+ porn stars fucking freely. Earlier this year, award-winning performer Vanniall wrote about her experiences as a Black trans woman with HIV in the porn industry and she continues to advocate for an end to stigma. To make safe sex sexy, some porn performers have nailed a winning mixture of cum-shots and sex-ed. Others, like OnlyFans creator Niko Love, simply make a point of incorporating condoms into their scenes.
From casting sex toys of their own junk to releasing branded condoms, plenty of sex workers have come up with ways to get off safely.
A kinkier approach to safe sex is rooted in BDSM. As AIDS began to spread worldwide in the mid-1980s, queer community advocates took a sex-positive approach by focusing on harm reduction as opposed to abstinence. Porn performer Richard Locke became a major advocate for safe sex. Healthcare professionals started looking to sex workers for possible solutions. Dr Robert Bolan, president of the San Francisco AIDS Foundation in the early 1980s, knew sex-positive messaging would be more effective than encouraging people not to fuck at all. Physicians and activists looked to leather daddies for inspiration. They created safe sex mascots like ‘Le Hunk Safe’ with his porn star moustache and tight, bulging trousers. In his back pocket, he sported a checkered ‘safe sex’ handkerchief — a savvy nod to the handkerchief code, a covert visual language that signified your kinks to strangers in the know.
In this spirit, we can use dirty talk to make safe sex hot. Get your partners fired up by explaining in graphic detail what you’re hoping to do to them; this filthy prelude gives you both a chance to state your boundaries, and agree any code-words or safe sex practices ahead of time.
If you’re fucking a partner with a condom, pull out before the cum-shot and appreciate the sexy visual of it being filled with cum.
Essentially, safe sex doesn’t have to be boring. If you’re fucking a partner with a condom, pull out before the cum-shot and appreciate the sexy visual of it being filled with cum. Talk dirty, try new things and turn to sex toys for creative, safe alternatives to bareback. Get tested together and share in-depth fantasies about all the gloriously filthy sex you’ll have once you’ve both got your results. In an ideal world, we’d learn this shit in school but in the meantime, there’s plenty of fun to be had when brainstorming how to make safe sex sexy.
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