HOOK UP ETIQUETTE

Category: Points Of View

Everyone knows at least one or two couples that got married after meeting on Tinder, or by having meant to only have a single one night together but somehow developed deep feelings. While it's all great, a lot of them will later find themselves squirming in discomfort when their 86 year old grandma asks to hear the story of how they met, realising they can’t actually say “He fingered me at a club, then we went back to his place, not before I went down on him in the bathroom”. 



Even though we all grew up watching popular TV shows like “Sex and the City”, “How I met Your Mother”, “Californication”, “Queer As Folk” and more that showed openly and unapologetically sexual adults having a ton of consensual casual sex in their 20’s into their 40's, there’s still stigma around people, especially women, who choose to openly disclose their sexual conquests and not just like to have it, but actually advocate for casual sex. 


The reason a lot of people still feel the need to judge others and believe hooking up is degrading and something they look down on, is that often their personal experience caused them to feel degraded and used while they had it. If all you had were terrible experiences that made you feel terrible and regret you got into the situation in the first place, why wouldn’t you keep judging the people who ‘do this’ to themselves time after time?! I mean, what’s wrong with them for liking this horrible feeling?! 



Well, just because some people’s personal experience with a casual hookup was regrettable, it doesn’t mean it’s a terrible thing. If anything, it just means that just like everything else in life, lack of experience will cause you to have a bad time. The overall lack of education causes people to treat others poorly, and a more open and honest discussion around the topic is going to make everyone feel better and have a much more positive experience.

Just think about it, once consent became a trending topic a few years ago and more people began looking into their past to wonder whether they themselves were ever pushy or if they could have avoided any situations they regret by being more clear about their personal boundaries - the discussion around sex became a lot healthier. 


People started calling each other out for problematic behaviour, people started learning to ask for permission and people became a lot more clear with where they draw lines because they saw it was not only okay to say those things out loud, but that it was necessary for our collective sexual pleasure. 




Therefore, here’s a little hookup etiquette guide to make sure you’ll fuck your way into the best orgasms of your life: 

 


From my experience, what works best is to mention something about their personality, their job or their taste rather than their genetics. If you compliment someone about something outside their control, it’ll mean less than if you comment on something they’ve actively chosen to engage in and are passionate about. 

Ask questions. A very good first message would be to mention something about their personality or something they’ve said they’re into, and asking a question about their opinion on the topic. Even if all you want is to have a single sexy encounter, it’s always best to start a vanilla conversation and check the water before going full blast with sexting. Treating people like people and not like sex objects will get you laid a lot faster. Guaranteed.



 







There’s a dangerous double standard where a lot of men chase women in order to get in their pants, but instead of treating them like people afterwards, they degrade them and act as if the fact that they both shared a consensual connection makes the women somehow worthless. Just like you wouldn't want someone to judge you, speak badly about your character and treat you worse because you chose to spend the night with them - you should never do it to someone else, regardless of their gender.

As a general rule, be respectful, ask for directions and don't be afraid of some intimacy. A sexual connection can be 100% casual without being meaningless or making the other person feel used and discarded. It's the 'meaningless' part in 'meaningless sex' that draws the bad memories for plenty of people. If we'll all work together to change it one amazing fuck at a time - the world is only going to get happier and sexier.

Author: Laura Patrick

Everyone knows at least one or two couples that got married after meeting on Tinder, or by having meant to only have a single one night together but somehow developed deep feelings. While it's all great, a lot of them will later find themselves squirming in discomfort when their 86 year old grandma asks to hear the story of how they met, realising they can’t actually say “He fingered me at a club, then we went back to his place, not before I went down on him in the bathroom”. 

Even though we all grew up watching popular TV shows like “Sex and the City”, “How I met Your Mother”, “Californication”, “Queer As Folk” and more that showed openly and unapologetically sexual adults having a ton of consensual casual sex in their 20’s into their 40's, there’s still stigma around people, especially women, who choose to openly disclose their sexual conquests and not just like to have it, but actually advocate for casual sex. 

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The reason a lot of people still feel the need to judge others and believe hooking up is degrading and something they look down on, is that often their personal experience caused them to feel degraded and used while they had it. If all you had were terrible experiences that made you feel terrible and regret you got into the situation in the first place, why wouldn’t you keep judging the people who ‘do this’ to themselves time after time?! I mean, what’s wrong with them for liking this horrible feeling?! 

Well, just because some people’s personal experience with a casual hookup was regrettable, it doesn’t mean it’s a terrible thing. If anything, it just means that just like everything else in life, lack of experience will cause you to have a bad time. The overall lack of education causes people to treat others poorly, and a more open and honest discussion around the topic is going to make everyone feel better and have a much more positive experience.

Just think about it, once consent became a trending topic a few years ago and more people began looking into their past to wonder whether they themselves were ever pushy or if they could have avoided any situations they regret by being more clear about their personal boundaries - the discussion around sex became a lot healthier. 

People started calling each other out for problematic behaviour, people started learning to ask for permission and people became a lot more clear with where they draw lines because they saw it was not only okay to say those things out loud, but that it was necessary for our collective sexual pleasure. 

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Therefore, here’s a little hookup etiquette guide to make sure you’ll fuck your way into the best orgasms of your life: 

 

From my experience, what works best is to mention something about their personality, their job or their taste rather than their genetics. If you compliment someone about something outside their control, it’ll mean less than if you comment on something they’ve actively chosen to engage in and are passionate about. 

Ask questions. A very good first message would be to mention something about their personality or something they’ve said they’re into, and asking a question about their opinion on the topic. Even if all you want is to have a single sexy encounter, it’s always best to start a vanilla conversation and check the water before going full blast with sexting. Treating people like people and not like sex objects will get you laid a lot faster. Guaranteed.

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There’s a dangerous double standard where a lot of men chase women in order to get in their pants, but instead of treating them like people afterwards, they degrade them and act as if the fact that they both shared a consensual connection makes the women somehow worthless. Just like you wouldn't want someone to judge you, speak badly about your character and treat you worse because you chose to spend the night with them - you should never do it to someone else, regardless of their gender.

As a general rule, be respectful, ask for directions and don't be afraid of some intimacy. A sexual connection can be 100% casual without being meaningless or making the other person feel used and discarded. It's the 'meaningless' part in 'meaningless sex' that draws the bad memories for plenty of people. If we'll all work together to change it one amazing fuck at a time - the world is only going to get happier and sexier.