Every Great (Sex) Journey Begins with a Single Step: Part 1

Category: Advice

Author: Ena Dahl

New Year's resolutions can be a bummer. If you’ve ever started the year full of hope and expectations for a better you only to feel disappointed in yourself a few months down the line, you’re not alone. Various studies show that not even 10 percent of those who set resolutions follow through.

I’m convinced that a part of the problem is that we tend to set restrictive goals for ourselves. Often, we’re trying to do less of what’s exciting and delicious and more of the complete opposite. Where’s the joy in that? At the same time, we attempt to do everything all at once, without a proper plan and without pacing ourselves. Basically, we set ourselves up for failure.

This year, instead of setting restricting killjoy resolutions, let’s embrace our inner hedonists and libertines and make ‘fucket-lists’ (aka bucket lists for sex) instead!

But, just like with any other big goal we might have, such as running a marathon, for example, most of us don’t wake up one day and decide to run 42km without training for it first. Without further ado, I’ve prepared a list of sex bucket list items, broken up in manageable milestones to help you reach your sexiest goals in 2023.

from Giphy

So you want to…Go to a sex party

Can you train to attend a sex party? You either go to one or you don’t, right? Sure, but, take it from someone who made almost every possible mistake on my first visit to a BDSM club, there are a few things you can do to prepare yourself for your big night, especially if you’re not sure where to go and with whom.

Step 1: Grow your sex-positive friend circle.

BDSM munches, rope jams, and swinger- or poly meetups are casual peer-to-peer exchanges for kinksters and sex-positive individuals. Cacao ceremonies, tantra courses, and other intimate workshops also offer safe spaces to practice being open and vulnerable about your sexuality with others.

Depending on your personal preferences, all of the above are great opportunities to grow your sex-positive circle, learn about where the next hot sex party is taking place — and, even find someone to go with.

Step 2: Attend events where you can be a voyeur.

Not ready to get dressed up and embrace your own sexiness in public yet? Get inspired by burlesque and strip shows, drag and cabarets, or other erotic performances where you get to lean back and soak it all up.

Get inspired by burlesque and strip shows, drag and cabarets, or other erotic performances where you get to lean back and soak it all up.

Step 3: Host a mini-sex party at home.

Already have a few sex-positive or kinky friends in your circle? Why not host your own mini sex party?

You can make it anything from a dramatic, masked but naked cocktail affair to a night of erotic party games, like ‘Spin the Bottle’ and ‘Never Have I Ever’. You can start the event with a series of touch and consent exercises, set up a play space to practice your spanking skills, or perhaps set the stage for a full-blown orgy…

Step 4: Time to party!

There are sex parties of every kind, from the BDSM and kink variety to swinger clubs, burner events, orgies, and much more. Before you go, read the event guidelines, follow the dress code, and bring your own supplies (condoms, lube, toys, etc.). If you go with friends or a partner, negotiate boundaries and expectations beforehand. I recommend not getting too intoxicated or, even better, staying sober, especially for first-timers and/or in combination with high-risk BDSM play.

from Giphy

Have a threesome

Having a threesome is the most common sexual fantasy. Nearly 90 percent of us have dreamed of it, but less than 15 percent actually follow through. Maybe, if we drafted a plan and worked our way up to it, that number would be higher?

Step 1: Have a clear idea of what you want.

Skipping this step is detrimental to your threesome dreams! Before anything else, sit down and have an honest, in-depth conversation with your partner. Start by asking why you want a threesome in the first place. What do you hope to gain from the experience? Discuss your fears, insecurities, no-gos, and limits, as well as your hottest dreams and desires. Are your goals and wishes aligned? Are you able to find compromises wherever they’re not? You may proceed!

Unpartnered and want to be a third? Have the same check-in with yourself. Bonus: You have no one to disagree with, so go seek out exactly what your heart desires!

Step 2: Chat with other threesome seekers online.

Sex-positive dating apps like Feeld allow us to easily connect with others on similar or compatible quests. Begin by creating a couple’s profile and start perusing.

Be honest about who you are and what you’re looking for. It’s okay to want to take it slow and just chat to begin with, as long as you make your intentions known. Don’t go ‘unicorn-hunting’, instead, remember that you’re looking for a real human with their own desires, not just a prop with which to fulfill yours.

Step 3: Meet people in real life.

In the same way that munches, poly- and swinger meetups can be ways to find sex-party goers, they could also turn out some potential threesome participants. But remember, you’re not a hunter in a rush to fell your prey but a gardener sowing seeds that may eventually bear fruit. Have patience!

Remember, you’re not a hunter in a rush to fell your prey but a gardener sowing seeds that may eventually bear fruit. Have patience!

Step 4: Three is a charm. Go for it!

You’ve set your intentions, made the connections, found your match, now do the deed. Just remember to take some time to warm up, keep communication open and clear throughout, be prepared to improvise along the way, and don’t forget about aftercare for all. Have fun!

from Giphy

Film porn with your partner

Do you ever watch porn and think I could totally do that, but then you never find the courage to actually do it? Try this…

Step 1: Cultivate erotic self-focus and film yourself masturbating.

Before involving a partner, take the pressure off by practicing in front of the camera by yourself.

Erotic self-focus is the act of getting aroused by your own sexiness.Cultivating this is not only helpful if you want to film yourself, but research suggests that for many, and especially women, it’s an essential element of enjoying sex as a whole.

Erotic self-focus is the act of getting aroused by your own sexiness.

Make an event out of it: set the mood with flattering lighting and sensual music, and dress up in your favorite outfit or lingerie. Take time to experiment with movement to learn which angles flatter you best, all while pleasuring yourself. Make a point to focus on the act of filming rather than on the result — this is just for you!

Tip! Get a better look at yourself while filming by propping your phone or camera up against a mirror.

Erotic self-focus is the act of getting aroused by your own sexiness.

Step 2: Watch DIY and amateur porn with your partner.

Watching ethical, indie porn with a partner is always a good idea, especially if you plan to make your own. Kick it up a notch by making a night of it: prepare snacks or mix your favorite drink and watch like you’re film critics. Use the opportunity to discuss what you like and don’t, and start shaping your own idea.

Step 3: Play around with filming each other.

No one creates their first masterpiece without rehearsing first. Spend some time having fun with a camera in bed (or somewhere else) without caring about the result. Pass the camera back and forth or place it on a steady surface, hit record, and do your thing. The point is to learn to get comfortable with yourselves, together, in front of the camera.

Step 4: Action!

You’re all set to make your first homemade porno. Get ready, set the scene, and press record. Action! What you do with your steamy content after is up to you, but, if you’re crazy about your result and want to share it with the world,Lustery is always looking for submissions from hot, real-life, loving couples like yourselves!

As you can see, breaking your sex goals down into bite-sized chunks not only makes them more achievable but it may also provide a lot of fun along the way! Stay tuned in February when we’ll come back with another round of items for your fucket-lists.

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