Tickle your fantasies and spank your fears—this step-by-step sex bucket list guide makes the seemingly wild stuff feel slightly more doable.

Big sex bucket list dreams? Threesomes, sex parties, filming porn together—we’ve got tips to help you go from curious to confident no matter how wild your goals are.

Big Sex Bucket List Goals, Broken Down Step by Step

Sex Bucket List Goals Made Easy (Well, Easier)

Got a sex bucket list a mile long? You’re not alone—and you’re definitely not too ambitious. 

Maybe you’ve fantasized about filming a hot DIY porno with your partner to send out for some 

, or making your debut at a sex party, or figuring out 

. Whatever’s on your list, the key to turning fantasy into reality is breaking it down so you can build it up, just like you would for any new sexcapade.

When it comes to sex parties, it's easy to assume you just show up and see what happens. But the truth is, there’s a whole lot you can do to make your first time more fun, less awkward, and an overall pleasurable experience. That might mean spending time in sex-positive spaces or even hosting a sexy gathering at home first. Think of it like foreplay for the main event—getting your mind, body, and social circle in sync.

One of the biggest misconceptions about sex parties is that you just show up and see what happens. In reality, feeling turned on by the idea of going doesn’t always mean you're ready to walk into the playrooms tomorrow night. Just like you wouldn’t run a marathon without training, there’s no reason to dive in cold—there are plenty of low-pressure ways to warm up. And trust us, even the warm-up can be deliciously fun.

In this guide, discover how to break big fantasies into smaller, doable steps so you can actually live them. For anyone craving a threesome, curious about swinging, or itching to press record, this guide offers more than just encouragement. Think real tips for navigating boundaries, initiating honest conversations, and creating space to play—both emotionally and physically. 

Whether the fantasy involves a third body in bed or a camera on the nightstand, turning it into reality can be as thrilling as the fantasy itself. No pressure, just permission to explore.

Can you train to attend a sex party? You either go to one or you don’t, right? Sure, but take it from someone who made almost every possible mistake on 

, there are a few things you can do to prepare yourself for your big night, especially if you’re not sure where to go and with whom.

BDSM munches, rope jams, and swinger or poly meetups are casual peer-to-peer exchanges for kinksters and sex-positive individuals. Cacao ceremonies, tantra courses, and other intimate workshops also offer safe spaces to practice being open and vulnerable about your sexuality with others.

Depending on your personal preferences, all of the above are great opportunities to grow your sex-positive circle, learn about where the next hot sex party is taking place , and even find someone to go with. 

 is also a great resource when seeking local events for people within your local BDSM, fetish, and kink community. 

Step 2: Attend Events Where You Can Be a Voyeur

Not ready to get dressed up and embrace the full spectrum of your sexuality in public yet? Get inspired by burlesque and strip shows, drag and cabarets, or other erotic performances where you get to lean back and soak it all up.

Already have a few sex-positive or kinky friends in your circle?

You can make it anything from a dramatic, masked but naked cocktail affair to a night of erotic party games, like ‘Spin the Bottle’ and ‘Never Have I Ever’. You can start the event with a series of touch and consent exercises, set up a play space to practice your spanking skills, or perhaps set the stage for a full-blown orgy…

Need some inspo to get your homegrown group play going? 

 might just be the party primer you didn’t know you needed. This isn’t just fantasy—it’s a group of real Lustery couples getting sweaty under one roof.

Step 4: Go to a Real Sex Party (For Real This Time)

There are sex parties of every kind, from the BDSM and kink variety to swinger clubs, burner events, orgies, and much more. Before you go, read the event guidelines, follow the dress code, and bring your own supplies (condoms, lube, toys, etc.). If you go with friends or a partner, negotiate boundaries and expectations beforehand. I recommend staying sober, especially for first-timers and/or in combination with high-risk BDSM play. 

Threesomes 101: Turning a Top Fantasy Into Reality

Having a threesome is the most common sexual fantasy—that’s why 

 stay trending. Nearly 90 percent of us have dreamed of it, but less than 15 percent actually follow through. Maybe, if we drafted a plan and worked our way up to it, that number would be higher?

Step 1: Have a Clear Idea of What You Want

Skipping this step is detrimental to your threesome dreams! Before anything else, sit down and have an honest, in-depth conversation with your partner. Start by asking why you want a threesome in the first place. What do you hope to gain from the experience? Discuss your fears, insecurities, no-gos, and limits, as well as your hottest dreams and desires. Are your goals and wishes aligned? Are you able to find compromises wherever they’re not? You may proceed!

Unpartnered and want to be a third? Have the same check-in with yourself. Bonus: You have no one to disagree with, so go seek out exactly what your heart desires!

Step 2: Go Digital—Find Threesome Matches Online

 allow us to easily connect with others on similar or compatible quests. Begin by creating a couple’s profile and start perusing.

Be honest about who you are and what you’re looking for. It’s okay to want to take it slow and just chat to begin with, as long as you make your intentions known. Don’t go ‘unicorn-hunting’, instead, remember that you’re looking for a real human with their own desires, not just a prop with which to fulfill yours.

Step 3: Meet People IRL and Get the Convo Started

In the same way that munches, poly- and swinger meetups can be ways to find sex-party goers, they could also turn out some potential threesome participants. But remember, you’re not a hunter in a rush to fell your prey but a gardener sowing seeds that may eventually bear fruit. Have patience!

Threesome-seeking isn’t always about swiping. In 

 show just how hot—and hilarious—it can be to flirt your way into a threeway the old-fashioned way.

Step 4: Three’s a Charm—Time to Dive In

You’ve set your intentions, made the connections, found your match, now do the deed. Just remember to take some time to warm up, keep communication open and clear throughout, be prepared to improvise along the way, and don’t forget about aftercare for all. Have fun!

Do you ever watch porn and think “I could totally do that,” but then you never find the courage to actually do it? Try this…

Step 1: Solo Practice = Erotic Self-Focus

Before involving a partner, take the pressure off by practicing in front of the camera by yourself.

Erotic self-focus is the act of getting aroused by your own sexiness. Cultivating this is not only helpful if you want to film yourself, but 

research suggests that erotic self-focus for many, and especially women, is an essential element of enjoying sex as a whole

Make an event out of it: set the mood with flattering lighting and sensual music, and dress up in your favorite outfit or lingerie. Take time to experiment with movement to learn which angles flatter you best, all while pleasuring yourself. Make a point to focus on the act of filming rather than on the result — this is just for you!

Get a better look at yourself while filming by propping your phone or camera up against a mirror.

 with a partner is always a good idea, especially if you plan to make your own. Kick it up a notch by making a night of it: prepare snacks or mix your favorite drink and watch like you’re film critics. Use the opportunity to discuss what you like and don’t, and start shaping your own ideas.

Step 3: Play Around With Filming Each Other

No one creates their first masterpiece without rehearsing first. Spend some time having fun with a camera in bed (or somewhere else) without caring about the result. Pass the camera back and forth or place it on a steady surface, hit record, and do your thing. The point is to learn to get comfortable with yourselves, together, in front of the camera.

You’re all set to make your first homemade porno. Get ready, set the scene, and press record. Action! What you do with your steamy content after is up to you, but, if you’re crazy about your result and want to seek out some 

Lustery is always looking for submissions

 from real-life, loving couples like yourselves!

As you can see, breaking your sex goals down into bite-sized chunks not only makes them more achievable but also provides a lot of fun along the way! 