Cum For Me!

Category: Culture

Author: Ena Dahl

Baby, tonight I’m in charge, and you’re gonna do exactly what I tell you. Alright? Soon, I’m going to ask you to stroke that throbbing cock of yours, just for me. And later, you’re going to cum, so fucking hard – but NOT until I tell you to. Got it?

Welcome to the world of JOI, a genre of porn where the performer, usually female, instructs her predominantly male viewers on how to wank. The popularity of JOI – short for jerk-off-instructions – has grown steadily across the adult webosphere, only to blossom exponentially over the past years. It’s even in PornHub’s top 30 most searched terms for 2021.

Being told how and when to get off might sound annoying or (even intrusive) to some, but to others, it’s the ultimate fantasy. So, what’s the allure of this kind of porn and why would someone want a random person online to control how they masturbate?

As a kink educator and BDSM practitioner, I have a handful of ideas of my own, yet curious to find out more about what ticks the average JOI user, I asked my Instagram audience to chime in with their viewpoints.

Before I get to some of their answers, let’s have a closer look at the variety of JOI content out there…

From cute girlfriend to demeaning domina

Browsing your average tube sites, you’ll come across endless variations of the flirtatiously assertive girlfriend-type, complimenting her viewers on their huge, juicy cocks while coaxing them ever closer to the finish line.

For those looking for something playful, there are cute college girls challenging them to orgasm games, such as ‘who can last the longest?’, or edging their audience by calling ‘red to stop’ and ‘green to go’ until she eventually permits them to cum.

On the kinkier end of the spectrum, there are the humiliating dominatrixes, mockingly encouraging their onlookers to stroke their tiny worthless wieners for their almighty Goddess.

The latter belongs in a subcategory of JOI referred to as SPH, or small penis humiliation, which often goes hand in hand with CEI, aka cum-eating instructions – which is exactly what it sounds like.

The menu is lavish and abundant – just take your pick!

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Watch the full JOI video on Lustery

First, I need you to take your pants off, spread your legs and get comfy. Spread ‘em wider! Yes, just like that. Good boy! I can see you getting bigger already. I love watching you getting hard for me, your balls filling up, eager to blow that huge load. WHEN I tell you to… Look deep into my eyes. I know, it’s hard to take your gaze away from my tits, but do as I tell you! And now, look at my lips as I speak to you. Listen carefully, to every. Single. Word. Leaving. My. Mouth.

High demand, fast supply

The Jerk Off Instruction subreddit has an impressive 254k subscribers and features an extensive backlog of content from all corners of the web, carefully categorized according to style and fetish.

For something in such high demand, the quick and easy turnaround of JOI is advantageous. Typically shot in a performer’s home or bedroom, these low-budget videos can be created and distributed easily by anyone with a smartphone.

What really separates the wheat from the chaff isn’t a fancy camera, but a decent dash of acting skill and the ability to connect with the audience. The most popular JOI performers have a presence so strong they might as well be sitting right in front of you, which is just what the viewers are after.

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Watch the full JOI video on Lustery

“It makes me feel like I’m really part of the activity!”

Prashant (30) enjoys JOI for exactly this reason; it’s personal and almost like a real one-to-one interaction. “They’re talking directly to you, so instead of just passively watching, it’s kind of like I’m a performer too, and a real part of the action”.

Drawn to the complete sensory experience, he tells me that he really likes how it sounds and that many videos have an ASMR-like quality. But the visual aspect is just as important, says Prashant, stressing that the two go hand in hand, but it’s not necessarily nudity he’s after: “It doesn’t really matter if she’s clothed or naked. What I want to see are her expressions and reactions while she speaks to me.”

When it comes to type of performers, he tends to go for women who appear older than him because it adds a feeling of authority. “When there’s also some firmness to the instructions, it feels great to follow,” he adds, admitting that a huge part of it is the humiliation and degradation aspect.

Occasionally he also engages in live JOI with a cam-performer. “This is a very different experience again, because we’re interacting in real-time. We can see and hear each other and there’s no script, so it feels even more like we’re playing together.”

“I’ve never met such a woman in real life…”

Eshaan (27) writes to me from a more conservative part of the world where kink is taboo and challenging to access in real life spaces. “It’s about the dominance, and the Mistress/slave roleplay,” he answers when I ask him what draws him to JOI.

The kind of woman he searches for has a bold look and big, sexy eyes, but most of all it’s about her charisma and attitude. “She needs to have a personality that makes me want to follow, but it doesn’t hurt if she’s got high heels, some kind of harness and a whip in hand… I like the idea of being told what to do, and to obey. And if I do something wrong, I might get whipped.”

Eshaan tells me that he’d love to experience this in real life, but has yet to meet a woman like the one he describes. JOI, for now, is a way for him to live out one of his many fantasies and to learn about BDSM, kink and different fetishes, as well as how to connect with a partner.

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Watch the full JOI video on Lustery

“My wife and I adapted it and sometimes use it in bed together…”

Bostongeorge (41) is married and frequently watches porn with his wife. The two of them tend to go for the alternative, feminist kind, and use it mainly as inspiration for new fantasies that they want to try out together.

JOI, on the other hand, is more his thing, so while he has watched it with his partner, it’s usually a solo indulgence and he often opts for the CEI sub genre. “Being told to clean up that cum really kicks me, but I don’t really find it humiliating because I really like it, the texture, taste and warmth – and even more so if mixed with a woman’s fluids as well.”

He says, “We’ve also transferred [JOI & CEI] to our real life where she would edge me while riding me and telling me what to do once I creamed her pussy. Explicit language is a huge part of the appeal for me.”

George emphasizes that watching porn is part of his journey to educate himself online before bringing up a new fantasy to realize with his wife.

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Watch the full JOI video on Lustery

You’re getting close, aren’t you? I’m having a hard time focusing too. I’m getting so wet looking at you stroking yourself. Keep going, harder and faster! I’m going to count down from 10, and when I get to zero, I want to see all of that creamy goodness, pulsating out of your cock. Can you do that for me?

Keep going, harder and faster. Now, let’s do this:

10. A little harder…

Zero. Now, cum for me. Yes, give me all of it. Just like that. Hmmmmm, yeah! Such a good boy.

A medley of savory ingredients

Did you like that? Was it good for you too? Do you see the appeal now?

Whether it’s the powerplay – the giving up of control and allowing someone to be in charge of one of your most intimate bodily functions – or perhaps the shame and humiliation that comes with that very surrender, JOI brings together a pretty irresistible mixture of elements to the table.

Add the personal touch, the realness of the DIY aesthetics with the assimilation of human connection – in the midst of a global pandemic – and it’s no wonder why this trend has taken off.

JOI has made its way to Lustery too, so if you haven’t given it a go, check it out!

Podcast Transcript: