I sat on the London tube twiddling my thumbs. A book about women’s sexuality was open on my phone’s Kindle app, but my thoughts kept drifting to where I was headed. How would I approach strangers in a setting like this? What if no one there found me attractive?
I’d been sent to a nearby town as a journalist to cover an event and decided to stay in London for the weekend. Back at JFK airport in New York, before boarding the plane, a bold idea had come to me: I looked up sex clubs near my destination to see if I could meet some adventurous locals there. A Google search turned up an establishment with a “couples and ladies’ night” that Saturday, so I applied, sent them my photo, and here I was.
Underneath my tiger-print kaftan were a black lacy bra and undies, and on my feet were squishy blue sandals — the only shoes I could wear other than sneakers due to a recent knee injury.
I’d gone to a couple sex parties in New York before, and it had taken everything in me to approach people and ask if they wanted to play. Since I was already insecure about my looks and likability, thanks to an adolescence spent struggling to make friends (let alone date) the rejections hit me hard. But I kept coming back, and finally, during my fourth party in New York, I experienced my first sex club hookup.
This would be my fifth sex party, and I had a feeling that if I kept putting myself out there, even — no, especially — in settings where I knew no one, my confidence would ultimately grow.
This would be my fifth sex party, and I had a feeling that if I kept putting myself out there, even — no, especially — in settings where I knew no one, my confidence would ultimately grow.
I got off the train and followed Google Maps to the club, where the front desk officer took my purse and then escorted me through black velvet curtains into a dimly lit room full of red benches. People were sitting around drinking and talking, and on the other side of the room was a bar.
I glanced around and noticed that everyone around me was there as a couple. I was the only single lady at ‘Couples and Ladies’ Night’. Years of high school lunches spent wondering who I could sit with — and, often, giving up and deciding just to sit alone — came back to me in a flash. No, I wasn’t in high school anymore. I wouldn’t let my past write my future.
I sat down next to the closest couple to me, a voluptuous woman in a red dress and a tall, handsome man in a black suit. We chatted about our experiences at sex parties; I learned they’d played with women before and were looking for a man this time. I was relieved. There was no pressure on me, then. We had a cordial conversation, and they ambled over to the bar.
My eyes darted around the room. Who would be next?
Just then, a man wearing a red tie approached me and introduced himself. “I’m Charles,” he said. “I’m in charge of making sure everyone’s comfortable and has a good time here. And you are?”
I explained to him that I was visiting from the States and was feeling a little out of my element. “I don’t want to intrude on any couple’s relationship.”
“Nonsense! You’re the unicorn. You’re in high demand here.”
“Unicorn?”
“See all these couples here? A lot of them are probably looking for a third. You’re the only single person here. You’re a unicorn because you’re rare.”
His comment gave me a new perspective: Maybe being alone here didn’t make me the odd one out. Maybe it actually made me desirable.
Maybe being alone here didn’t make me the odd one out. Maybe it actually made me desirable.
“So,” I asked, “if there’s a couple I’m interested in, how do I gauge their interest?”
“You can start off by asking, ‘How do things work between you two?’ Then, you can talk about what they’d be open to doing with you.”
“I’m scared they’ll say they’re not attracted to me.”
“Are you kidding me? You’re gorgeous. And you’re the unicorn. Remember that.”
And then I was left to my own devices again, so I decided to explore the clubhouse. Behind the main room with the bar, there were several small private rooms, presumably to accommodate those who might get frisky later on. Up a staircase was a big floor with a bunch of mattresses and pillows on the ground. And down below, in the dungeon, there were ropes and floggers and other BDSM equipment, with a massage table to tie up brave guests.
Back by the bar, I met a blonde woman named Emma and her hot husband, Alfie, who was dressed in a white flannel shirt and suspenders. Alfie wandered off, and I decided to try Charles’s suggestion with Emma. “How does it work between you?” I asked.
“Oh, we play with all kinds of people,” she said. “Do you want to kiss?”
The question had worked — almost too well. I clammed up as I realized I’d been so worried about whether other people would want me, I hadn’t established what I wanted. Was I open to kissing a woman? I hadn’t played much with women before.
“Ahh, so is it my husband?” she asked, noticing my silence. “Let me know. We’re very open.” Then Alfie came and tapped her on the shoulder, and she went off into another room.
I surveyed my surroundings again and spotted another cute couple: A lanky, tan man with curly black hair and a short, curvy woman with long brown locs. With a little more confidence in me, I walked up to them and introduced myself. I learned that he (Arend) was Dutch, she (Emely) was Peruvian, and this was their first time at an event like this. I wanted to confess that I found them attractive, but that fear of rejection crept up again, and I excused myself to go to the bathroom.
Luckily, afterward, as I walked down to the dungeon, Arend and Emely were there again — and so was Charles.
“How’s your night going?” Charles asked.
I sighed. “Well, I’ve met some people, but nothing’s happened yet. There was this one couple I liked, but I couldn’t figure out how to see if they were interested.”
“Which couple?”
“They’re actually standing over there,” I said quietly.
“I have a protocol for situations like this. Come over to this wall with me.” He walked over to the wall, then explained his plan: “I’ll tie you up and tickle you with a feather, then I can invite them to join in.”
The idea sounded more silly than sexy, but if that’s what it would take to get me out of my shell, so be it. I held my arms up as he tied a rope around my wrists, then got out his tickler and ran it over my skin. A few other people were looking on now. I squealed, my nerves exiting my body in laughter.
I held my arms up as he tied a rope around my wrists, then got out his tickler and ran it over my skin.
“You two over there,” he called out to Arend and Emely, “come try this with me.”
Oh god. I was starting to feel embarrassed.
“Wait!” I blurted out as they walked over. “I really just think you guys are hot, and he thought this would help facilitate an interaction between us — but I’d rather just tell you!”
They laughed uncomfortably and walked away.
The only thing worse than a rejection was, apparently, a public rejection.
I walked out of the dungeon, mortified, trying to think of where to go next. Emma and Alfie were still an option. At least I knew she wouldn’t reject me. And, I decided, I’d be open to try playing with them both. I had to find them. I went upstairs to the floor full of mattresses to see if they were there.
Instead, of course, Emely and Arend were sitting on a bean bag chair right by me as I walked in. I tried to escape their notice until she caught me off guard and called out, “Hey, want to sit with us?”
I walked over to them, surprised. “Hey, how are you?”
“We’re sorry,” she said. “We’re just not super comfortable in this setting.”
“Oh! It wasn’t me?”
“No, it wasn’t you.”
“Well,” I told them as I regained confidence, “I know not everybody’s looking for a third but if you are, I’m available.”
“We would be interested,” she laughed, “but we actually just fucked and are probably going to leave soon.”
“Oh! Well, maybe I could kiss you both goodbye?”
She looked at him. He looked at her and nodded. “I don’t see why not,” she said.
First, I kissed Arend, running my hands through his curls. I laughed as I moved my face away, relieved that it seemed others weren’t judging me nearly as much as I was judging myself. Then came Emely. Although kissing her didn’t quite turn me on, I realized it didn’t have to; it was more of an affectionate gesture, and I enjoyed that. We hugged before they left for the night, and with a weight lifted off my shoulders, I returned to my mission of finding Emma.
I was Alice chasing the white rabbit through Wonderland, except Wonderland, in this case, had a wall with a glory hole, a huge vibrator plugged into a wall, and a bunch of people hooking up out in the open. At last, I found Emma by the bar but she was heading out the back door. “I’m going to go smoke,” she said. “Some people are outside. You’re welcome to join us.”
I was Alice chasing the white rabbit through Wonderland, except Wonderland, in this case, had a wall with a glory hole, a huge vibrator plugged into a wall, and a bunch of people hooking up out in the open.
Lingering outside the door were Alfie and another couple, Edesa and Austin. Edesa had curly purply-red hair and sensuous lips and wore a black leotard and heels, and Austin was in jeans, with dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. When I told them I was a feminist writer, Edesa got excited.
“What do you think of BDSM?” she asked. “I’ve come to terms with the fact that it’s totally based on patriarchy but I still love it. I feel like even if our preferences are based on problematic norms, we still get to have them and enjoy them. Otherwise, it’s no fun, right?”
“It actually helps me to hear that,” I told her. “I’ve fantasized about being submissive but I’ve never tried it in real life because it makes me feel like a bad feminist.”
“I know what you mean,” she said. “I used to only be a dom. But Austin’s such a good dom, he’s made me a sub now.” She chuckled and looked over at her cute partner.
After ten more minutes of conversation, I’d learned that she’d come to London from Iran to study sociology, and she and Austin had met at a casino where they both worked. He’d never been to a sex club before, but she was into them, so he’d come with her to check out the scene. Since he was shy, they’d only played with each other — so far. They asked me about my work and how they could read my articles.
Meanwhile, Emma seemed to have forgotten about me, because she was hitting on Edesa. “You are so hot,” she told her repeatedly, and a twinge of jealousy ran through me as I wished someone would talk to me that way. Eventually, Emma convinced Edesa to come down to the dungeon with her, and the rest of us followed them.
The moment we got down there, Charles came up to us and announced that the club was about to close. I felt regretful that I hadn’t gotten to know Austin and Edesa better; it seemed that just as I’d found a couple I clicked with, we had to leave.
Since it was my last shot, I took a chance and tapped Austin on the shoulder. “Could I kiss you?” I used the same line that had worked before. He looked at Edesa, and she nodded her head in approval, so I grabbed him and gave him a peck — just a little one, but it left me wanting more. I leaned into his chest, and she came over and put her arms around us both. “I like you guys,” I said. “I don’t want to leave you yet.” There wasn’t time for me to be shy anymore.
Since it was my last shot, I took a chance and tapped Austin on the shoulder. “Could I kiss you?”
“Well, why don’t you come back with us?” she asked.
“Really?”
“Sure! We’re a little far, but we can split a cab.”
“Okay!” I wouldn’t have gone home with just anyone but both of them seemed so sweet.
I scrambled to get my things but soon realized that, at some point, I must have taken my sandals off. I couldn’t find them anywhere.
I asked Charles to search for them. No luck. I asked the people at the front desk to join the search party. Still, nobody found them. Seemingly, they’d been stolen away by the shoe fairy.
“I actually have an extra pair of shoes,” Edesa reassured me. “I don’t like to walk around in these heels too much.”
“I recently hurt my knees, so I can only really wear sneakers,” I said.
“That’s what they are.”
“Really? What size?”
“Eight.”
“That’s my size.”
“It was meant to be,” she laughed.
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