I have a taboo sexual fantasy. How do I tell my partner?

Sexual fantasies can be simple: a threesome, public sex, or bondage. But what about taboo fantasies? What about dark fantasies? The kind that you hesitate to even tell your partner about. Let’s talk about how to spill the taboo fantasy tea with a positive outcome.

Lustery POV | 7 Steps for Sharing Taboo Fantasies with a Partner 

7 Steps for Sharing Your Taboo Fantasies with a Partner

Sexual fantasies can be simple: a threesome, public sex, or bondage. But what about taboo fantasies? What about dark fantasies? The kind that you 

First, let’s start with some clarifying language: what 

 a taboo fantasy? A taboo is typically something that’s restricted or prohibited by social custom. That’s vague AF, so for the sake of ease, let’s break this down into two groups: 

"Is it something that could simply improve your sex life, or is it something that’s essential for your satisfaction moving forward?"

 and sharing your sexual fantasies can seem a bit intimidating on its own, but when you’re dealing with taboo sexual fantasies, there’s a whole other layer added to the mix. Lots of questions can start popping up in your mind: Will they judge me? Will they think I’m gross or perverted?

Let’s talk about how to spill the taboo fantasy tea with a positive outcome.

You may be aching to test out a fun new kink, or even just get your lover’s thoughts on a certain fantasy that’s been in your head for weeks - but rushing into this can often get you started on the wrong foot, which is something you do 

As silly as it sounds, spend some time practicing the conversation in your head. Imagine what they could say, and come up with things to say in response. The dialogue between you should be open and friendly. Be sure to think about answers to questions they may have about your fantasy.

Give them a heads-up that an important conversation is coming.

Springing this conversation on your lover when they’ve just come home from work or have a lot on their mind can potentially hurt their results. When they have a moment, let them know that you would like to talk to them about something, but that you want to do so when they’ve got the time and mental space for it.

An important note here: avoid leaving them guessing what it is that you want to discuss. This can create a lot of anxiety on their end. Instead, let them know that you have something to talk to them about regarding your sex life, but that it’s not anything they should worry about. Then ask them to let you know when they’re ready to have that conversation. This will help your partner be more emotionally prepared.

Anticipate questions that might feel a little invasive.

When you’re sharing your kinks or fantasies with another person, there are a few questions you can be sure that they will ask. First, they may want more information on the kink or desire itself. Then, they may ask why you are interested in that specific thing. Don’t take this as a judgment, but instead use it as an opportunity to share with your partner how engaging in that activity makes you feel.

Lastly, your partner may want to know how important this is to you. Is it something that could simply improve your sex life, or is it something that’s essential for your satisfaction moving forward? Be ready to answer these questions openly and honestly to give your lover the most information you can.

It’s one thing to tell, and a different thing to show. If you and your partner often watch, read, or listen to porn together, you can suggest watching porn relating to your fantasy as a couple. If you’re not a couple who like to indulge in erotic content together, maybe you can 

 to articles discussing the topic, and let your partner decide on their own if they’d like to learn more.

Another option here is to come up with specific examples of how you two could realistically (and slowly) indulge in these fantasies together. If you’re really into bondage, perhaps you can just visit a toy store together and pick out some ropes that you like. This simple act itself can be incredibly fun and erotic, bringing you closer to actually trying it in person together.

"One of the most amazing experiences you can have with a partner is talking in-depth about something you love."

Conversations like this can be a little overwhelming, even if your partner is someone with an open mind. After you’ve explained the fantasy, let your partner know that it’s not something you need to do right away.

Give them some time to sit with the idea - you can even decide that you’re going to talk about this again in a week after it’s had some time to sink in. This immediately takes the pressure off your partner and gives them space to process the news.

While it’s always nice to engage in fantasies with a partner, your partner is not absolutely essential to you indulging in your desires. Sharing this with your partner certainly can be special, but if they aren’t interested or need some more time to process the idea, don’t let that stop you from enjoying yourself.

, continue exploring your fantasy on your own terms. The more comfortable you are with it, the more natural it can be when you eventually are able to do it with your partner.

Encourage them to share their desires, too.

One of the most amazing experiences you can have with a partner is talking in-depth about something you love. This isn’t just limited to hobbies and TV shows - sharing your kinks and desires should be a mutual thing, too.

Encourage your lover to share their fantasies, too - let them know that when they’re ready, you’re listening with an open mind. This will create a safe-space environment where sharing fantasies is not only permitted, but celebrated.