Lube up and listen: What works for one, may not work for another. Check out these different takes on the best backdoor tips.

Some say slow, some say go—so, what’s the best way to do anal? See where different perspectives align—and where they don’t.

Different Takes on the 6 Best Anal Sex Tips

The 6 Best Anal Sex Tips From Different POVs

Let me tell you a secret: anal sex isn’t as daunting as it seems. How do I know?

I spent a large chunk of my sexually active life dealing with trauma surrounding anal sex.

 I had a bad experience and it scared me. I carried that fear with me from one relationship to the next until I found a partner who was willing to go slow, maintain consent, and make me feel comfortable. Anal play is now one of my favorite sexual activities—I even do it during my solo sessions. 

Two things are mandatory when attempting any kind of anal play: 

Applying generous amounts of proper lubrication

Maintaining consent/communication with your partner(s)

Keep these two things in mind to ensure a safer sexual experience. Now that we’ve laid the foundation, here’s what you should know before getting started with anal sex. 

Watch Esluna & Marvin in the Anal Sex Compilation for FREE

1. Make sure you’re using the right kind of lube for anal play.

 different lubes for different sexual occasions? 

That’s right. That means there are specific lubes for anal play. 

Water-based lubes vs. Silicone-based lubes

Water-based lubes are certainly the easiest to find, they offer less mess and are safe to use with all condoms and sex toys. 

Silicone-based lubes can (sometimes) work with condoms but should not be used in combination with silicone toys as they can break down the material. 

Oil-based lube can be the slickest and last the longest out of all three options but it’s a hard pass when it comes to using them in conjunction with condoms or sex toys. 

While whichever option you choose is highly personal and based on what toys and/or protection you and your partner are using, there is one thing that applies to everyone in every anal play situation…

If you’re considering a lubricant that is advertised as “numbing”, do not use it for anal play. 

Using a numbing lubricant will mean that you can’t feel the natural responses your body has when you insert a foreign object into your anus. Pain and discomfort are your body’s way of letting you know to slow down, add more lube, use a smaller toy, etc. Using a numbing lubricant during anal play can lead to serious pain. Once the numbing agent wears off, you may realize you’ve gone too far. 

2. Explore your body alone before adding sex toys or a partner. 

 A well-lubed finger and being relaxed in bed by yourself will get you comfortable enough to try this without the pressure (intentional or not) of pleasing a partner. Butt stuff can be a little awkward—why not test it out for yourself first? 

3. Trying out some (beginner) anal toys is a good next step...maybe with an audience. 

 Once you’ve experienced anal sex with a finger or two, you can move on to a (beginner) anal toy.

It’s important to use toys that are meant for anal play:

At this time, if you’re feeling comfortable, you could also have your partner(s) participate in the fun with you by playing with you or simply watching as you play. This can be a sexy form of foreplay and teasing if you’re not quite ready to include your partner in the physical aspects of anal play but want to share the experience with them. 

4. If you experience pain or discomfort, change the position you’re in.

When it comes to anal play, the position you’re in matters. 

For couples’ play, many people think that “doggy style” positions are easiest for anal sex. However, this may not be true. In reality, from-the-back positions do give easy access but when you’re not facing your partner as the receiver, they can’t read your face and you can’t control the pace. Some people enjoy missionary positions because your partner can see your face, it’s easier to communicate and you can control how far and how fast you go. It can also be a psychological way to get past the nerves—when you’re on top or face to face, you may feel more in control.

5. Understanding your biology is extremely helpful.

Did you know that the more aroused you are, the more relaxed your body (

) becomes? This makes it much easier to participate in and 

. Additionally, the tissue of your anus is thinner and more sensitive than the rest of your skin, which can make it more prone to tearing, infection, and/or sexually transmitted infections. 

6. Remember: anal play doesn’t have to be penetrative. 

While you may associate anal sex with penetrative anal stimulation, there are other ways to play. 

 (otherwise known as analingus) can be a fun, easy, stress-free way of introducing anal stimulation to you and your partner(s). Rimming can be enjoyed as a stand-alone pleasure sesh, part of foreplay, or a lead-up to anal sex. 

Feel like you’ve got the basics down? Learn more ways on 

how to enjoy anal sex with Joey Lee and Mav

New to anal sex and still don't know where to start? 

April has arrived, so it's time to spread the Anal April love. We're turning up the heat (and the lube) with a mouthwatering mix of videos to prove that Lustery couples exploring anal play can be just as educational as it can be pull-your-pants-down-I'm-about-to-cum orgasmic. Whether you're dipping your toe—or a finger—into backdoor play for the first time or you're ready to take things a lil' deeper, we've got something for anyone who's got some anal curiosity. 