Many years ago Dan Savage, the well-known sex advice columnist, coined the acronym GGG to represent the qualities he thinks define a great sexual partner. It stands for "good, giving, and game," more specifically, "good in bed, giving of equal time and equal pleasure, and game for anything—within reason.' I am a strong believer in these qualities, and I keep my sex life awesome by only sleeping with people who are good, giving, and game. Don't just take my word for it though – there are multiple studies showing that being GGG increases both relationship satisfaction and sexual satisfaction. Let's break it down and talk about exactly how you can be more good, giving, and game.
Being good in bed is complex, but it can be broken down into two basic components – skill and communication. Skill is based on both physical ability (Is your tongue strong enough to lick pussy for a long period? Do you have the stamina to ride someone hard?) as well as mental knowledge (Do you know what parts of the penis are most sensitive? Do you know how to find the g-spot with your fingers?). These things can be gained through experience, but knowledge can also be learned, to a large extent, online. Resources like Sexplanations on Youtube, Kink University, or Nina Hartley's explicit How to Eat Pussy video are great places to start. However, none of these skills are useful if you can't communicate; everyone's body is different, and everyone has different preferences. Ask your partner to tell or show you what they like, and what feels good to them. Pay attention to physical signs that show they're in pleasure, like louder moans and faster breathing.
This one is a little more straightforward – do your best to give equal time and equalpleasure to your partner. This can mean returning the favour after your partner performs oral on you, wearing that lingerie you know they really like, or telling them to lie back and relax while you perform their favourite sex act on them. Gestures like this go a long way to make your partner feel appreciated, listened to, and pleasured. It should be a good experience for you too – I personally love the satisfaction of doing something special to turn on and pleasure my partner!
Being game for anything – within reason – is all about being open-minded and positive. Trying new things and having variety is important for a fun and satisfactory sex life. If your partner approaches you asking to do something new that you're unsure about, talk about it with them and give it a try! Even if you end up not liking it a ton, your partner will feel heard because you gave it a go. And who knows, it might become your new favourite thing! Remember to keep things within reason though – if you think it's something that will be unpleasant or harmful for you emotionally or physically, for whatever reason, then you are always within your right to say no.
Silas and Nico live in Cape Town, meaning they are Lustery’s first ever couple out of Africa! Describing their sex life as ‘expressive’ Nico and Silas love to live out their fantasies in the bedroom…or outdoors!