Just moved in together? Tips for a good transition.

Apr 07, 2018

Moving in together is a great time to declutter and clear yourselves of unneeded belongings to start fresh. Decide in advance who's toaster you're keeping, who's towels are softer and what you'd like to get new.
If you're able to sell items, invest them in either something new for the house or a treat for the both of you.

To avoid one party feeling uncomfortable, make sure it feels like both your home and not like it's someone's place the other person is crashing.
Make decor decisions together. You might be into dominance and submission in the bedroom, but it shouldn't slip into the discussion about the living room art. Loving your partner doesn't mean you have to live with a piece of art you hate just because they like it.

Talk about money. It's uncomfortable for most people but is a relationship killer when left undiscussed. In most relationships, wages aren't equal, which means splitting expenses 50/50 might not be fair.
If one party is making a lot more money, figure out a way to live together that doesn't leave the lower income party drained at the end of the month. It can lead to feeling resentment and cause friction. Especially if one of you is able to do things the other wants to but can't afford, due to all their available income being spent on rent and food.

Living together ads an extra level of "admin work" to your relationship that weren't there before. Make it easier by cleaning up after yourselves. When it comes to house chores, most working systems I've seen weren't equal. One party will be better at tidying, one will cook more, one doesn't mind doing laundry while the other is happy to always clean the bathroom. Use each other's strengths in those areas to your advantage to make sure you'll never have to fight about whose turn it is to wash dishes.

Don't tolerate any behaviours from your partner you wouldn't tolerate from a non-romantic partner. Just like you can't expect them to deal with yours just because they love you. Be respectful of their privacy, belongings, time and let them know if you feel they're not doing the same.

Spend time apart. Wanting to have privacy isn't a sign of problems, it's a basic human need sometimes. Let them close doors when they feel they need to, spend time on their own uninterrupted and have plans that don't involve you. when it'll be your turn to want space, they'll understand and be happy giving it to you.

Don't stop wanting to impress your partner. Don't stop trying to make them laugh. Don't take them or granted just because you now see them all the time. Remember how great it felt at the very beginning when you kept telling each other how amazing you are? Just because you're sharing space it doesn't feel any less good.

Maintaining a long, lasting and passionate romance is about tension and mystery. You shouldn't try to stop trying to seduce your partner just because you live together. Keeping some mystery about the smellier, more uncomfortable parts of cohabitation will help maintain that tension.
If at the beginning you were holding your farts and trying not to clog their toilets before moving in together, sharing the same space shouldn't be a reason to do it.

When you only see each other for short periods of time, sex is a priority. You either have to do it then and there or wait until next time. When you're cohabiting, it's always available and always possible, so you might start taking IT for granted. Make sure you keep it a priority.
Even if you're tired, even if you have to wake up early - giving your loved one pleasure is never going to feel regrettable. You're much more likely finding yourself at your meeting wishing they did sit on your face last night.

Category: Journal
Laura Patrick
Laura Patrick
Laura is a freelance writer visual artist and science nerd. She is passionate about self development and personal growth and spends most of her free time reading scientific papers about the human experience and summarising them so that you won't have to.

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