My Most Coveted Oral Sex Workshop

December 8, 2020 5 min read

When you want to show off in bed for your partner, what’s your go-to move? Maybe it involves your mouth? Going down on someone really puts your sex skills in the spotlight, so it’s no wonder the most popular sex tip workshops I’ve ever taught have centred it. Folks always want to know: how do I start eating someone out? What’s essential in a good blowjob?

These questions warm my heart. There is nothing sexier than a generous lover. Giving “good head” is commonly considered a badge of sexual honour, but no one ever wants to share their secrets. 

Well, gather ‘round! More pleasure for more people is what I’m all about. Here are some of my favourite tips straight from the sex shop floor.

1. Give Me Ten

“Look Ma, no hands!” is only impressive when you’ve just pulled off your training wheels. The best oral sex often includes an assist from your digits. It’s an easy way to compound your partner’s pleasure when done simultaneously, or you can use your hands off and on to give your jaw a rest. Some pro tips: twist a lubed hand at the base of the shaft while focusing the lips and tongue on the head, or stroke your partner’s g-spot while they ride your face.

You can also try massaging your partner’s hips while you eat them out if you really want to go for gold. There are so many erogenous zones within easy reach when your head is between someone’s legs. Talk to your partner about what type of touch they might like to receive while your tongue is tied up.

2. Play with Positions

Getting creative with positioning isn’t just for penetration. There are plenty of postures for oral sex that aren’t just freaky and fun, but actually more efficient and comfortable for the giver. Comfort helps you keep going for longer, which your partner will certainly appreciate.

If you’re going down on a vulva, try propping your partner’s hips up with pillows to tilt their pelvis at an angle. You won’t need to lean your neck so low to reach them, and it won’t get stiff and tired so quickly. You can also hook your partner’s knees around your shoulders and rise up on your own knees if they’re the acrobatic type.

If you’re looking to conquer the elusive deepthroat, here’s a hack: lay on your back at the edge of the bed/surface, at just the right height. Now that your throat is lengthened, it’s the perfect shape to take in your partner. This one requires some trust, so communicate clearly about the speed and depth of the thrust. Sounds like a slogan, doesn’t it?

3. Wetter is Better

Saliva is not a sufficient replacement for lube, not even during oral. It quickly absorbs back into your skin like it’s meant to, a potential roadblock with genitals that don’t provide much or any lube of their own. Even water-based lubricants can vanish pretty quickly, which is why I favour silicone for this scenario.

However, there are plenty of water-based lubricants that were designed with oral sex in mind, particularly those featuring flavour. I have a serious sweet tooth, so I’ll flirt with flavoured lubes on occasion, especially if they have a thick, cushiony consistency. Those tend to last a bit longer.

If barriers are involved, that when I’m most insistent on lubing up for oral. Try adding a few drops of lube into the tip of the condom before rolling it on, or applying some to the skin side of a dental dam. That will reduce the rubbery friction of the latex while transferring sensation and warmth more readily.

4. Power Player

If you ask me, giving a blowjob is a wildly dominant act. If someone’s most sensitive skin is at the mercy of my sharpest anatomical tools, I have all the power, period. If you like this

perspective, lean into it! You have substantial control. Heighten that tension with commanding dirty talk, or maybe some impact? Your partner’s ass and thighs are likely well within reach.

Or maybe giving someone oral sex at their (consensual) command is the way that gets you going. Bringing in some classic kink tools can go a really long way. A blowjob has completely different dimensions when performed while blindfolded, or bound up. Or both! Playing with power can turn a straightforward sex act into a scene of playful erotic sin. 

Which role seems more like you?

5. Practice Makes Perfect

If the old adage is true, there might be certain sex skills worth sharpening before your partner joins the picture. Now before you drop a few hundred bucks on a sex doll (or, you know, go for it!) I should be clear: I think you should try blowing a banana. Seriously! Roll on a condom, blast some Cardi B, and go for it. I know for a fact this is helpful because asking audience members to do this was always the most memorable moment of my BJ workshops.

When it comes to pussies, the papaya is the oft-evoked fruit surrogate. Sure, they’re juicy and yonic, but the lack of parallel for the seeds has always irked me. Anyway, I can’t say I’ve tried to fellate one for practice or fun, but I also can’t say I haven’t wanted to. Can one of y’all let me know how it goes?

It’s cliché, but true: confidence goes a really long way in most social interactions, and sex is no exception. Practising new skills goes such a long way toward helping you have some. At the same time, your partner is not going to notice you trip up a technique when you’re making killer eye contact and rocking their world. Confidence is always a win-win, whether you’re actually on your game or not.

Aria Vega
« Aria is a poet, essayist, and advice columnist (ASK ARIA @ Lustery POV) based in Atlanta, Georgia. Her work explores sexuality, relationships, and somatic experiences. When she's not daydreaming about living underwater, she's probably talking to her houseplants or meditating under the moon. " » All posts →