Want to know what October has in store for you? Ms Blah has all the astrowisdom to help you make it through the year.

Want to know what October has in store for you? Ms Blah has all the astrological wisdom to help you make it through the year.

Ms Blah Monthly Horoscope - October

Hi, thanks for taking care of my cats while I’m out of town. You'll find food and treats under the cupboard. Please change the litter every day and most important: never play Britney’s music at home. NEVER. Especially Toxic. They’ll get violent, they could disgrace your face in a second. 

Eh, do you see that bed, yeah? It’s comfy, it’s suave…go there, it’s all yours, it’s waiting for you and you can stay for hours in its hugs. Your bed is the best friend you will ever have. 

Be sure to hang-up that call before you start bitching about your friends. 

Everybody knows those pictures are from two summers ago. Honey, it’s easy to guess: nobody is wearing a mask. 

Siestas are not only for summer. The only difference is that from now until spring you can wear pyjamas, according to the Spanish Siesta International Institute (SSII). 

If you use expensive makeup for an intense sex routine you are wasting money. Just go as you are and enjoy. 

There are some things on the internet you will never understand, shouldn't think about even. Like the plastic chicken playing frute video or the one where they turn a banana into a kiwi just by contact. 

You got angry at a Pisces and you're surprised by how quickly it escalated from insult to burning your house down. Well, now you know: never mess with a little fish, honey. 

It doesn’t matter how many planets are in retrograde (right now nine are going backwards) you will always be flawless, beautiful, smart and evil. Planets don’t change genetics. 

Do you know what makes you sexy? Knowledge. A little bit of History, Cinema or Photography, a spice of Astronomy, and omg I’m all yours if you know how to cook. 

Forget about your famous hormone attack: with masks on the effect is all gone. As much as you try to spray them around, nobody is going to catch them. I’m sorry, you’ll have to find another way to be irresistible. 

Pisces, please, stop crying. I didn’t even start my prediction. Come on, everything is going to be alright. Autumn is a very nice season. You’re going to be fine. 