Ms Blah Monthly Horoscope - March

March 1 2 min read

ARIES Mar 21 - Apr 19

The best days for pollinating in March will be 21st, 22nd, and 23rd. You will be extra fertile on those days. Careful with birds and bees if you go outside to the countryside.

TAURUS Apr 20 - May 21

If you have sex with a Piscis, I warn you they usually cry after cumming. Don’t take it personally. Probably, they have had one of their visions or are just hungry.

GEMINI May 21 - Jun 20

Go to the dentist on the 26th or 27th of March. If the stars calendar says you need it, you need it. Who would know more about your mouth health, your dentist, or the stars, uh?

CANCER Jun 21 - Jul 22

According to the stars, your final exam in Erotic Technique is on May 13th. You better study. I recommend carefully studying self-proclaimed perverts Liz & Alexa from Lustery's catalog.

LEO Jul 23 - Aug 22

Sooner or later, IG will censor pictures of beautiful people for obvious reasons. You won't be able to post selfies anymore.

VIRGO Aug 23 - Sep 22 

The displeasure you manifest when people make noises at the table is perfectly understandable. However, since eating is no longer part of social etiquette, you no longer have to experience this disgusting habit. 2021 is not going to be that bad.

LIBRA Sep 23- Oct 22

If you ask someone if they are mad with you enough times, probably they will be. Control yourself. Besides, you know perfectly well what you have done, bitch.

SCORPIO Oct 23 - Nov 21

If you have not backed-up your digital files yet this year, I suggest you do it. 2021 will be much worse if you lose your porn collection.

SAGITTARIUS Nov 22 - Dec 21

If someone can create a new way of flirting with the masks on, that person is you. As the language of the fans, your mask-on-flirting-language will be known around the world.

CAPRICORN Dec 22 - Jan 19

Sometimes you do not seem like an Earth sign but a stone one. You may feel comfortable this way but, you know what? Stones can be shaped by wind and water too. Let yourself go.

AQUARIUS Jan 20 - Feb 18

Do this ritual for attracting fortune and mindfulness this month: take your phone at 11PM. There is a button - sometimes at the side, sometimes at the bottom, or the top - now press it long enough to power it off. Power it on again at 8AM. Repeat the next day.

PISCES Feb 19 - March 20

Your season starts after the first Mercury Retrograde of the year. That’s why you feel so relieved, not because you just farted.

Maria Blah
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