Ms Blah Monthly Horoscope
You have been too happy lately. Meet some toxic people.
It’s ok to be possessive, but not with people.
Try to be possessive with lifeless things like plastic plants or beer cans.
Stars recommend this season you should get in touch with the gold inside you.
They don’t know that you pawned it long ago to buy your first Iphone.
Other astrologists would say to you: have fun this summer! You will regret nothing!
I tell you my dear Cancer, after the 7th rum-cola you are going to regret a lot of things.
When you feel lost and confused ask to yourself what Madonna would do in the same situation.
To yourself, not to her personal profile on twitter, she’s not concerned that much about your problems.
Your best month for love was last month and I didn’t tell you. I apologise.
Uranus is not happy with you and this can affect your whole life.
Make a sacrifice to the planet to get its mercy and protection again.
Your anal bleaching is not going to be affected by sunbathing.
You can go to your favorite nudist beach and have a healthy tan.
Don’t feel like you wasted money.
You read that Virgo and Pisces are the least compatible signs with you,
Sagittarius, but that doesn't mean that you have to run away from them like you did the other day.
Stay calm, nobody is going to hurt you.
I know you’re reading other’s predictions, even looking at the Chinese horoscope.
It’s ok, we can have an open relationship.
If you cry because you don’t fit in last summer bathing suit
your tears won’t let you see how that cutie is looking at you at the swimming pool
because they like you exactly as you are.
Easy like swimming in the water you read your lover’s body language,
that’s why you’re so special.