Ms Blah Monthly Horoscope

August 1, 2019 11 min read



ARIES Mar21-Apr19

You have been too happy lately. Meet some toxic people.


TAURUS Apr20-May21

It’s ok to be possessive, but not with people. 

Try to be possessive with lifeless things like plastic plants or beer cans.


GEMINI May21-Jun20

Stars recommend this season you should get in touch with the gold inside you. 

They don’t know that you pawned it long ago to buy your first Iphone.


CANCER Jun21-Jul22


Other astrologists would say to you: have fun this summer! You will regret nothing! 

I tell you my dear Cancer, after the 7th rum-cola you are going to regret a lot of things.

LEO Jul23-Aug22


When you feel lost and confused ask to yourself what Madonna would do in the same situation. 

To yourself, not to her personal profile on twitter, she’s not concerned that much about your problems.


VIRGO Aug23-Sep22


Your best month for love was last month and I didn’t tell you. I apologise.


LIBRA sep23-oct22


Uranus is not happy with you and this can affect your whole life. 

Make a sacrifice to the planet to get its mercy and protection again.


SCORPIO Oct23-Nov21


Your anal bleaching is not going to be affected by sunbathing. 

You can go to your favorite nudist beach and have a healthy tan. 

Don’t feel like you wasted money.





You read that Virgo and Pisces are the least compatible signs with you, 

Sagittarius, but that doesn't mean that you have to run away from them like you did the other day. 

Stay calm, nobody is going to hurt you.






I know you’re reading other’s predictions, even looking at the Chinese horoscope. 

It’s ok, we can have an open relationship.


AQUARIUS Jan20-Feb18


If you cry because you don’t fit in last summer bathing suit 

your tears won’t let you see how that cutie is looking at you at the swimming pool 

because they like you exactly as you are.



PISCES Feb19-March20


Easy like swimming in the water you read your lover’s body language, 

that’s why you’re so special. 

Change never.







Maria Blah
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