How to make sure you never stop fucking like there's no tomorrow

Jan 30, 2018

When you first meet someone, it can be the most exciting and exhilarating time - full of witty comebacks and endless hours of sex, followed by the warmth of intimacy and an avalanche of questions to get to know them better.

For plenty of couples, that period ends at some point, and while you can still be extremely in love, you might not be able to keep up the initial fucking marathons going for longer than what people consider as "the honeymoon period".

This doesn't have to be the case. If you look at countless studies, books, research and expert's advice on long-lasting happy relationships (It's ok, I did it so that you won't have to) you'd expect that with how different people can be from one another, the advice givenwill be varied and different as well - but it isn't. It always comes back to the same principles that if followed can promise that your sexual journey with your partner will stay long and exciting no matter how far down the road you are. It's not always easy to follow, but it sure is rewarding and fucking (quite literally) satisfying.

Show affection without expecting sex:

A pattern in a lot of couples is that after a while, the sexual contact they have becomes exclusively related to sex. Making out feels like something you've done as a kid or at the beginning but doesn't belong in an 'adult' relationship. Long and passionate foreplay, long sessions of making out and massages, heavy petting and hardcore cuddling can taper off into the ether leaving you with only much quicker and more 'clinical' sex sessions.

Showing affection is extremely important for long-lasting romance. It's exactly like watering a plant, you'll never expect it to keep growing if it's not getting nurtured. And while having regular sex is great, in countless research coupes that are also extremely tactile with each other outside the bedroom and commit to the above-mentioned acts with the same enthusiasm as they do to actual penetrative sex - repost a much higher rate of satisfaction and quality sex life.

Tell your partner you find them beautiful and show them you do. Send them texts saying you miss them like you did when you first met, rub their shoulders when they come home from work and whisper in their ear how nice their skin feels. Help them with chores you know they don't like doing. These acts may very well lead to sex, but they don't have to. It is for maintaining the feeling of being loved and actively showing love.

Plan sex when it doesn't happen naturally:

Sometimes your tiredness and how worn out you are from the outside world will overtake any level of horniness you might have and that's natural. You can't expect to always have matching libidos. You can't expect to always feel full of passion and desire. Even the healthiest sex drive can plummet for a while and that's exactly when it's most important to put it back into the right gear. If all involved parties are committed to making sex a high priority (and you should, it's really good for you), you need to take active action to plan time for it when it's decreasing in quantity. This can feel awkward at first, but if you notice it's been a slightly longer period than you'd like to, or are used to without sex make sure to talk about with your partner and ask them what's up. Often times this can also be related to other issues and fixing those will only bring you closer.

Don't be on your phone:

Imagine the following scenario: You finished work, came home and the evening light is full of radiant warm tones that are slipping through your windows and fill your space with sexy mood lighting, you're feeling great and wanting to get frisky, trying to compliment your partner only you're getting a "ugh?" in return.

You tell them again they're looking great this evening and they reply with "ah, what? Sorry, I'm just watching this cat video" a blank expression, not even lifting their face from their glowing phone, which is shining blue harsh light on their chin. Total mood killer, right?

Staying on your phone is literally putting the entire internet between you and your partner. It's adding a physical boundary that's very hard to gap, especially when taking into consideration that those terrible objects were designed to push all your buttons and get you as addicted to them as possible. It's hard to compete with it. It reduces the quality of your concentration, of your sleep, of your social interactions and sure as hell reduces the quality of your romantic ones. Let it die sometimes. Try having a few phoneless nights a week and see where that takes you. It can be hard at first but it's totally worth it.

Compliments, kindness and appreciation:

Big love gestures when something is wrong are easy and have been perpetuated by movies and TV - you fuck up, get something expensive or do something big and that's it, all is forgotten.

If you look closely at research about happy long lasting relationships, all the experts agree that it's the small day-to-day things that matter. You shouldn't stop telling your partner they look great, that they're having a good hair day, that they look nice in that outfit or that you're grateful for them making you coffee/tea/food or hanging the washing even though it's your turn. Happy couples show respect for their partners in all forms. They respect the time it takes to complete chores, they respect their opinions and their input, even during difficult times.

When you disagree on something, make a note to use kind language:

A big measure to which couples end up staying happily together is how they fight and how they disagree. Those who break up don't seem to separate the behaviour from the person, and will call their partner stupid, instead of the behaviour itself.

Let's recap. Imagine your partner does all these things:

They're not on their phone when you try to talk to them, and they give you their full attention.

They make you feel great by pointing out how hot you are, how well the top you're wearing sits on you and how beautiful your eyes are.

They show appreciation every time you do something for them, no matter how small.

When you fight or argue, they're never mean to you directly and always treat you with respect.

They take good care of themselves and intentionally try to turn you on in the way they know always makes you go crazy and are open to new things.

Would you ever stop fucking that person like the world is ending tomorrow? Nope.

If that's your partner, you're probably not even reading this because you're too busy fucking right now. Go and be this person for your partner.

Category: Journal
Laura Patrick
Laura Patrick
Laura is a freelance writer visual artist and science nerd. She is passionate about self development and personal growth and spends most of her free time reading scientific papers about the human experience and summarising them so that you won't have to.

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